Grace in this Valley

just a little hello from my heart

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 20:33:41 GMT

slowly finding my way forward again, leaning on His grace

It’s been a long stretch of quiet here. I never expected to be away this long, but some seasons ask for stillness and that’s where I’ve been - pouring every bit of strength into healing and my little family.

For those newer, I’ve walked a long valley of chronic illness from Lyme disease, Babesia and mold illness, with other struggles along the way. When Lyme and co-infections reactivated last year, they hit my body in new layers this time and I’ve had to fight in ways that stretched me to my limits physically + emotionally.

Thankfully I’m seeing glimpses of healing once again - tiny shifts, slow days and a deeper dependence on Jesus. Even in the hard, God’s faithfulness has never changed. Not once. He continues to carry me with unending grace + mercy, just as He always has.

“My soul, wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.”

Psalm 62:5

Your kindness + love + prayers have carried our shop and family even in the quiet. It has meant more than I can ever say. I’ll share more as I’m able, but I simply wanted to say hello and let you know how thankful I am for each of you on this journey with me. Still keeping my eyes firmly fixed on the One who holds all of my tomorrows.

Amy <3

nine years...

Wed, 08 Jan 2025 02:10:07 GMT

a long road, but not without hope

Nine years ago today, a line was drawn between before and after. Life changed completely for our family and the hard began in ways I never could have imagined. Eight of those years have been spent housebound and this past month feels like one of the lowest points in this long valley that seems to just have no end.

I'm tired.

I'm weary.

I'm grieving.

I'm suffering.

I'm weak.

I'm overwhelmed.

But even here, I hold onto a deep-rooted hope that remains. I know this isn't the end of the story. God is still working and His promises are just as true today as the moment He spoke them. He is still good + faithful, no matter what my body feels or what my circumstances may scream. It only takes one moment with Him for everything to change. I fully believe that when we trust God more than what our eyes currently see.... we will see His goodness.

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear!"

Isaiah 58:8

This season of long suffering has brought a closeness with Jesus I never would have known otherwise - a hallelujah I never thought I would declare. It's a gift I wouldn't trade, even in the midst of so much loss + pain. And for that, l'll forever be grateful.

So I wait in quiet trust, knowing He is the only one who can bring beauty from these ashes.

Amy <3

a remedy for winter skin

Sat, 04 Jan 2025 00:06:55 GMT

from our family to yours

Winter often brings a mix of stillness and struggle - for our bodies, our hearts and even our skin. The long, cold days bring dry, cracked skin, eczema flare-ups, and irritations that truly need deep nourishment, something many of us know all too well. While we offer a large selection of tallow blends that will hydrate and care for your skin through every season, I wanted to take a moment to share about one that’s especially dear to our family.

Remedy was born from our personal journey to soothe and bring relief to our daughter’s severe eczema. What started as a simple way to care for her skin has grown into something deeply meaningful for our family. A reminder that God can redeem the hardest parts of your story.

Unlike many commercial moisturizers loaded with synthetic ingredients that just sit on the surface level of your skin, tallow closely mimics the oils our skin produces, allowing for deep absorption and nourishment. It's packed with essential fatty acids and vitamins that help soothe irritation, support skin repair, and provide lasting hydration.

Both Remedy Whip + Balm combine the nurturing and healing benefits of calendula, chamomile, marshmallow root and plantain. These organic herbs are gently infused into our tallow + jojoba base to offer the deepest healing support. Free of essential oils and safe for the most delicate skin - from infants to adults. Crafted especially for those in need of serious skin repair to gently soothe, nourish and hydrate, Remedy is a testament to the incredible power of nature.

Remedy Whip is a fluffy, all-body blend that’s perfect for everyday care. Its airy texture is ideal for covering larger areas, providing gentle and effective relief for conditions like eczema, psoriasis, rosacea, and rashes. It’s also a soothing option for minor burns, dry skin, irritations, and so much more.

Remedy Balm is a creamy salve crafted for concentrated skin repair. It’s ideal for providing deep nourishment to smaller, severe problem areas. This includes spots of relentless eczema, persistent rashes, significant scarring, irritations, wounds, and more intensive skin repair needs.

Our bodycare is always made in small batches with grass-fed + finished, pasture-raised tallow from regenerative farms that has been slowly dry rendered with zero additives to ensure the absolute highest quality. We only use a few pure ingredients straight from nature in all our blends, ensuring simplicity and effectiveness. Slow + honest - this is skincare the way nature intended.

Amy <3

nineteen

Tue, 20 Aug 2024 03:09:26 GMT

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23

N I N E T E E N

incredibly beautiful, refining, sanctifying, priceless, challenging, and grace-filled years. The moments that built us aren't captured in my posts, but they are the ones that have deepened and strengthened our love the most. We've walked through many fires and this wilderness season often feels unending, yet God's goodness and mercy continue to carry us. He is still my absolute favorite soul and the one I would choose again + again.

Happy anniversary, my love... I can't imagine where I'd be without you. I love you and this little family we've built. Thank you, God, for this treasure of a husband I get to call "mine." xoxo

Amy <3

He Is Risen

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 21:04:19 GMT

"How beautiful are the feet of the man that came for me. How beautiful are the scars that tell me just how kind you are... My Jesus."

He is RISEN, dear friends!

I pray wherever you are this week, no matter what you may be facing, that the empty tomb and resurrection of our Savior would breathe fresh hope over your life. That you would find Jesus in unexpected places.

If you woke yesterday caught in a season that still feels like Saturday and your praise looks more like tears, know that He sees you. In the midst of fighting for joy, in merely showing up, in feeling the weight of pain or loss - you are seen and deeply loved.

He left the grave so He could be with us - in every season and in every struggle. He came to redeem it all.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison."

2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Amy <3

Silent Saturday

Sat, 30 Mar 2024 18:35:38 GMT

feeling the silence, but hearing His promise

Oh friend, I can’t tell you how much I love this quote - so much beautiful truth of the journey many of us know all too well.

In a season that feels like one long Saturday, where grief holds space with expectancy and questions outnumber answers, the LORD continues to remind my heart that beauty is born from the ashes of waiting.

What might feel like silence in this shaky, uncertain middle, is really the quiet groundwork of God’s faithfulness. His promise to complete what He started.

Though there may be silence right now and what we see doesn’t seem to match His promises, trust His process. Even when it feels like going backwards, remember He really is in every detail. His ways, not always understood, overflow with goodness because He is good. Always.

Our Redeemer is restoring and redeeming piece by piece. Nothing is ever wasted.

Hold on, our Sunday is coming.

Let hope speak louder than the silence.

Amy <3

Hope in the Promise of the Cross

Fri, 29 Mar 2024 01:34:46 GMT

The cross on Good Friday.

A place of profound sorrow where hope seemed hidden in the shadow of such overwhelming loss.

Carrying the weight of the world’s sin, the pain of betrayal, and the sting of death, Jesus embraced it all, out of a love beyond our comprehension.

In His surrender, we see the heart of our Savior — willing to endure unimaginable human suffering to bridge the gap between Heaven and earth.

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

Isaiah 53:5

The breaking of Jesus’ body and shedding of His blood led to wholeness and abundant life. Assurance of every promise kept.

The ultimate reminder that darkness is never the end.

With His last breath, Jesus declared, “It is finished.” His mission fulfilled, a path to redemption secured. In those three words, there is a love so profound, it forever changed the world.

We see the depths to which grace will go and the lengths to which God’s love will reach each one of us, finding hope in the promise held by the cross. A hope that refuses to be silenced by darkness.

Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you for the cross.
Thank you that in our own brokenness, we find You.

It may be Friday, but hope + redemption are on the way, my friend. The One who gave it all is waiting to meet you right where you are today.

Amy <3

Raw Faith

Sun, 10 Mar 2024 02:01:42 GMT

“The pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.”

Romans 8:18

“The pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” Romans 8:18 whispers this promise into the weary corners of our hearts.

God continues to remind me that He treasures our raw and unedited prayers, our honest tears - our true selves. He didn’t create us for mindless adoration but for a relationship that’s alive with choice. A choice to seek Him, no matter what circumstance we encounter.

It’s in these raw moments that I often find my deepest conversations with God. He could have made us immune to sorrow and pain, yet He gave us hearts that beat with the fullness of emotions.

I’ve been in the Psalms lately, where David’s unguarded honesty through every trial continues to speak to my heart - his uncensored cries alongside songs of praise.

Full. Honest. Real.

David’s words echo across time, reminding us that in the act of surrender, of leaving it at the feet of Jesus, we find the truest form of worship.

It’s not about masking pain or sadness with a smile but about laying all of ourselves and whatever we are carrying before Him and trusting that despite what our earthly eyes may see, despite how we feel, God is working and joy is on the horizon.

“Weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning.”

Psalm 30:5

It’s a promise, friend.

If your heart aches today, come to Him just as you are. Pour out whatever is on your heart or weighing you down. And then stand in the hope that a joy as profound as the trials you are facing is being etched into your story - not despite the pain, but because of it.

Amy <3

P.S. This song has been on repeat lately - heartfelt words of surrender and trust that are simply beautiful.

year end thoughts

Sun, 31 Dec 2023 05:57:13 GMT

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."

Isaiah 58:8

It's just so like God to have my Bible reading plan end the year with this chapter and this verse. A clear reminder of His meticulous hand in every detail of our lives.

The LORD spoke these words over me early in this valley. A verse that has since carried me and continues to give me a hope that can only come from Him.

This year was tougher and more challenging than i had envisioned, especially in terms of my health. It was a year where hopes for improvement often met with setbacks. Yet there were countless unexpected blessings, moments covered in grace that caught me by surprise.

God may not have given me all I had hoped and prayed for, but He provided all that I truly needed and His goodness was etched in every moment. When I look back at this year, I want to only remember how good and faithful He was.

Today, my heart was gently yet powerfully reminded once again that no matter what I face, no matter what this life forces me to endure, no matter how much I don't understand, my God is faithful. He is good and that's all I need to know.

My hope continues to rest in the One who promises to use each part of my story, no matter how difficult or unexpected, for my good and His glory.

And so, as this year closes, I cling to this promise that in His perfect timing, not only will my light break forth, but so will my healing. Yours will too, friend. God will never fail and neither will His word.

Amy <3

Merry Christmas

Mon, 25 Dec 2023 20:12:28 GMT

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

Emmanuel - God with us! He broke through the darkness and changed everything! Thank you, Jesus!

I pray this day, no matter what you face, this truth will permeate your heart. In your waiting, in your silence, and even in your darkest moments, may our Savior fill you with, above all else, hope.

Sending so much love from our family to yours! I'm incredibly thankful for each one of you! Merry Christmas!

Amy <3

Winter Snow

Sat, 23 Dec 2023 02:10:13 GMT

quiet, soft and slow

Winter Snow
You could've come like a mighty storm

With all the strength of a hurricane

You could've come like a forest fire

With the power of heaven in Your flame

But You came like a winter snow

Quiet and soft and slow

Falling from the sky in the night

To the Earth below

Oh, You could've swept in like a tidal wave

Or a big ocean to ravish our hearts

You could have come through like a roaring flood

To wipe away the things that we've scarred

Ooh, no, Your voice wasn't in a bush burning

No, Your voice wasn't in a rushing wind

It was still, so small

It was hidden

- Audrey Assad -

This song by Audrey Assad and Chris Tomlin called “Winter Snow” has been one of my favorite Christmas songs for many years. It always makes me pause and reflect on the way Jesus came into the world. Without fanfare or demonstrations of power, He arrived not with the clamor of trumpets but simply as a tender infant, cradled by the quiet of the night. Humble, unhurried, unadorned on a night filled with the anticipation of something miraculous. He lived His life on this earth in a similar way. It could have been so different. Think of the mission Jesus was carrying all those years He walked this earth and yet His nature remained the same as the day He arrived.

My current season has caused me to hear this song in such a new way than when I first listened to it all those years ago. The meaning has evolved and now the words whisper deep comfort and reminders to years filled with dark and unknown days and a future still filled with so much uncertainty.

This season has been consumed with endless moments of loss, loneliness, pain and grief. Sorrow and joy often happen at the same time and that doesn’t change just because the holidays arrive. Special days can be reminders of all that we have lost and how things should be, especially this time of year. The reality of life becomes much harder to ignore in this season. There is thankfully space for both celebration, contemplation and grief.

I have often questioned where God has been and why during certain moments and even extended periods He was completely silent, regardless of how much I sought His guiding hand. As a family, we have prayed, believed, declared, fasted and even begged for grand displays of our Heavenly Fathers power to manifest in my body and our life. For His voice to loudly cut through the dark and bring much needed answers and healing. That unmistakable signs of His presence would come like a tidal wave and be so tangible and present - to show us declarations of His sovereignty over what we are facing. But so often, it doesn't come that way.

Quieter, Softer And Slower Is The Way

God Often Chooses To Work In Our Lives

Is it possible that God's method of bringing His Son into the world reflects how He often chooses to work in our own lives? Quieter, softer and slower. At times He almost feels hidden - so distant from the place we are currently standing. Even then, I've come to realize that God is always working. His purpose evident in our stories not in a loud flashing way, but instead in a gentle and constant manner. In the stillness is often where our Heavenly Father will be found the most. Just as Jesus arrived not with grandeur but in humility, so too do God's answers often come in quiet, unassuming ways, gently unfolding in the fabric of our daily lives.

While I know God could display His glorious power and strength in my life and body in this very moment, He instead chooses to be a tender whisper of compassion and unwavering grace up to now. Faithfully offering us slow and steady signs that He is moving, working and making a way. Authoring a story that only could come from His hand. Quieter and softer - just like our Savior arrived.

Looking back over these last several years, our prayers have been answered countless times. Prayers we didn’t even know we should pray. None were in a burning bush or miraculous instant healing fashion, but instead in slow, still, and often small ways. Steady and consistent moments that are God-breathed and miraculous in their own right. Full healing in my earthly body has not yet been given, but His graces are renewed daily and we so often feel His reassuring presence. These are all beautiful reminders of the One who is holding and carrying our family through these hard years. Our Savior came gently in order to draw us to Himself with His offer of peace with God—a peace still available to anyone who calls on His name.

Our God Works In The Hidden And Steady

Just As Much As He Does In The Grand And Glorious

Jesus's arrival took many by surprise. Instead of being born in a palace, He entered the world in a humble dwelling outside of Bethlehem, an unlikely place. He lay in the only available bed—a manger—and was welcomed not by royalty, but by lowly shepherds and animals. This season reminds me once again that the miracles we pray for rarely unfold as we expect or request. It's a reminder that understanding the process isn't always necessary; what truly matters is recognizing the purpose behind it. Our God works in the hidden and steady just as much as He does in the grand and glorious.

In the midst of a valley or any season you may find yourself, know that God is moving in our lives. He is ever with us and reminding us that He is good. He has a plan for our future - one that is full of hope and His goodness. Just like a soft falling snow, God is often quiet, soft and slow in His ways, but He is there. Choose to make space for the one who matters most these next few days and know that He is with you no matter what. Come thou long expected Jesus. We are ready for you.

Amy<3

Happy Thanksgiving

Thu, 23 Nov 2023 19:55:24 GMT

"in every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Remember today, when you're in Christ, you're secure even when your feelings tell you otherwise. You don't have to feel well to be strong and courageous. You don't have to feel bold to be brave. You don't have to feel accepted to live loved. You don't have to feel faith for your faith to be real. And you don't have to feel God's presence for Him to be near. He's closer than your next breath and He lives mightily in you! He pulled out a chair and gave you a place at the table of grace. God is always near and you are always loved no matter how you feel. You've seen too much to turn back now. Keep marching onward. Whether you're celebrating Thanksgiving alone or with other today, remember that you are so loved and have a seat at the table of grace." (Susie Larson)

Every year, my list of things to be thankful for grows and reminds me once again how He is faithful til the end. Especially thankful for my little family today. It's been 7 years of this day not looking anything like we would willingly choose... But we can be more than thankful because of Jesus. He's in it all. And it's so evident that we are held by Him through every single moment.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! I'm beyond grateful for each one of you!

Amy <3

through it all, it is well

Wed, 22 Nov 2023 19:36:50 GMT

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you."

Isaiah 26:3

My heart needed this. As the sun set tonight, the words 'Through it all, my eyes are on You; through it all, it is well me.' filled my soul.

In each color of the sky, there's a whisper to stay focused on Him, no matter what the day or week may have held.

Each sunset is a vivid reminder that beauty can always find its way in no matter what you may be facing. Pause. Breathe. Get lost in His wonders. Let His peace cover over you.

Grateful for the moments that remind me that in every high and low, He is there and because of that, it is well.

Amy <3

P.S. If you need encouragement today, let the words in this song saturate your own heart.

His Whisper in Every Detail

Wed, 04 Oct 2023 18:33:13 GMT

God is always seeking you. Every sunset. Every clear blue sky. Each ocean wave. The starry hosts of the night sky. He blankets each new day with the invitation, “I am here”.

Lou Giglio

I love this beautiful quote and reminder that God is not only near, but the works of His hands are always surrounding us.

He is in the details. Every single moment. God sees it all. The whole timeline from the beginning straight through to eternity, His gaze never waivers.

Even in the silent shadows of life, where solitude looms, His whispers of love and presence can be felt if you look for them.

As you go about your day, let nature's beauty be a gentle nudge, a reminder of His continuous love and presence. Let every sunrise and painted sky remind you of His steadfast promise: 'And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.' - Matthew 28:20

And remember, I'm here if you need a friend, ready to stand with you in prayer or to simply be a listening ear. Embrace His love, lean on faith, and always know you're not alone on this journey. Take heart, dear friends!

Amy <3

In the Midst of Waiting

Sat, 16 Sep 2023 22:06:20 GMT

strength in surrender

Unexpected Battles

July was a hard-fought battle. The physical symptoms that raged were unexpected. August was just the continuation of July's weary days. There's nothing glamorous about healing. It's more of an unfiltered, ugly type of beauty where the raw, unglamorous moments, despite their pain, have their own distinct beautiful grace. These past months reminded me once again that there's no set formula or path that is proven to work for what I face. So many ebbs and flows. Often, it feels like two steps forward and ten steps back. It's exhausting. Here we are, well into September, and I'm finally finding the strength and focus to share once again.

Over the years, I've learned that you have to be willing to try something different and continue trying if you truly want to heal. It's worth the risk, even if it doesn't always work. Something that "should" have greatly helped, left me feeling as if my body was unraveling at its core, yearning for oxygen. Like a fuse had blown, suddenly disrupting the proper communication between several major systems while my worst infections whispered their presence once again. I was left with very little fight or strength left. Most days just breathing seemed like too big a job because my body was so incredibly weak.

Most don't realize that chronic Lyme isn't just about bacteria; it involves a whole army of infectious organisms. Many of the symptoms of each disease or infection can overlap, but over time, I've learned to identify which of my infections is likely flaring up the most, based on the intensity of certain symptoms. Over the past couple months, Bartonella and Babesia seemed to be battling it out, with Babesia emerging as the mostly dominant one for now.

Based on my recent lab results, a blood transfusion seems more necessary than ever, highlighting a tension that's been present for years; yet, yet, it remains a step I am not able to take at this moment. Even approaches that seem simple enough, like using natural blood builders, caused more aggressive flare-ups as the treatment feeds Babesia and other infections. So, I find myself continuously striving to find a balance, trying to improve my lab numbers through means such as nutrition, herbs, and homeopathy, while not losing sight of addressing this persistent infection. All the while, Babesia continues to swim through my vessels, blowing up my red blood cells and depriving my tissues, organs and brain of essential oxygen among other troubling symptoms. Healing continues to be a delicate dance, one that shifts its rhythm just as I find my footing.

"And the God of all grace, who called you according to eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself restore you, and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

1 Peter 5:10

The gift of sun and sweating for hours, when we have clean air, has been what's started to shift and rebalance this vessel of mine. Not only is the warmth and light healing, but the UV rays from the sun actually help to purify my blood, addressing the Babesia and additional issues directly. While there are treatments available that harness the power of UV for this purpose, they come with a hefty price tag for how often I would need them and a greater risk because of my sensitivities. Sunlight, on the other hand, offers this therapy freely and my body adores it.

I can't tell you enough how life-giving and healing nature and the sun can be. Because of wildfire smoke this summer, getting consistent sun has been a struggle. It's added another layer to trying to make any notable shifts in healing. When you're battling an illness as complex as mine, where every step to sustain real progress feels like a huge mountain, every bit of healing sunlight is crucial.

I'm all too familiar with this path - it often feels hard to get ahead. This messy oxygen-deprived middle is a weary place to be, especially as summer winds down. Yet, I also know that I was able to reduce these symptoms once before. With God's grace and strength, I can do it again.

Surrendering the Seasons

Life makes no sense sometimes. I'm in a season of waiting. I have been for a long time now. It's difficult and beautiful. Painful and sanctifying. All in the same breath. It's surrendering over and over again. Falling down but still choosing to get back up. It's relying daily on His strength because mine is often utterly depleted.

I know God is moving and working because I continue to see goodness and a nearness to Him that I never would have known if it weren't for this valley. Don't get me wrong; it doesn't change my heart's desire or my expectancy. However, I am continually reminded that even the hardest of seasons has its own unique beauty and God’s hand has been so evident every step of the way. I will continue to let my waiting say "I trust you God."

"Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

Psalm 27:13-14

In the midst of feeling like life is indefinitely paused, whispers of hope in the stillness continue to remind me of a purpose greater than all the pain and loss. This healing journey is unpredictable. Rather than a straight clear path, it often feels like a squiggly roundabout route that I would never willingly choose to go down. Yet, every step, no matter how challenging or small, is a testament to the progress I choose to believe I am making despite how I feel and the grace that continues to be my lifeline - each one bringing me closer to the breakthrough I await.

Holding onto Faith

These last months have been marked by the intentional decision to keep fighting. Keep believing. To put my faith in not what I see in front of me, but in the One who holds my future. It has felt as though I've had to make that choice every 5 minutes some days. When your body decides to do the opposite of everything it should, it can make for some scary moments. Trauma from years of this cycle is very real.

At some point over the years, I decided I wouldn't give up. I chose and continue choosing daily to put my hope in the One who is the author of this story. He continues to carry me through. And I slowly see Him turning my pain into a purpose that will glorify His name.

Compared to the start of summer, I notice more progress lost than gained. That can be a very hard reality and was not expected. As fall draws closer, fear starts to try to creep in with all the next steps we face and how much ground seems to be lost. Facing further complex tests and pricey consultations, with expenses that stretch us thin, we are praying to unravel the persistent roadblocks that continue to halt my progress. But right here, right now, I can thank God for His unending grace and faithfulness. My hope is truly in Him alone. God is in the grief and the silence. I remind myself that He will not forget me or forsake me. His plans for me are good. Even surrounded by what feels like never-ending battles, I can still be a testimony of God's faithfulness.

I deeply appreciate your continued prayers. I wish I could list out all the specific prayer needs we currently have, but they are many and the burden is heavy. One of my Doctors told me years ago that cancer would be an easier path than the one I am on. The weight of that statement is not lost on me.

I ask you to boldly wage war for me, for our family. Choose to stand with us in faith, not in fear or worry. Pray in the Spirit. This isn't just an attack on my life. My kids also face their own sets of symptoms and battles along with my husband. But we remain steadfast that the enemy will not win or have the final say. God speaks a better word. Whenever the Lord brings us to your mind and you're uncertain of how to pray, simply say: "Holy Spirit, come."

Additionally, please pray and ask God to place us where our family will thrive, whatever that may look like. I have my feet firmly planted under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. My entire journey is a testimony to being Spirit-led and following the less sought after path. It's not lost on me that some might find my way through this deep valley bewildering or might not grasp all that I share. I can be misunderstood, and that is ok. I am resting in the arms of the Creator of heaven and earth who wholly understands me. I have nothing to prove. My focus remains clear: I am living for an audience One. Every decision, every move, everything about these trials is led by Him and will continue to be. His guidance is what I seek now, more than ever, along with the open doors we are meant to step through in so many areas of our life. I remain expectant to see the Lord continue to work in my life, my body and my family.

When I started sharing more openly last year, it was because the Lord asked me to. For so long in this valley, I stayed quiet about what He was doing in my life and my body. I realized that if my life was to be a testimony for God's sustaining grace, I needed to show that God has breathed life into my own dry and weary bones. While part of me would prefer to keep this entire journey private, I will continue to obey His call and share what He puts on my heart. I would love for you to stand with me in faith, hope and encouragement, declaring victory while being expectant for what God is doing. Anything else will continue to be unwelcomed.

When we truly believe that God is working in our waiting, it changes everything. We can come to appreciate what a season like this cultivates. He is strengthening our faith and increasing our dependence on Him to d o what only He can do. I take God at His word and daily try to leave my worries about tomorrow in His hands where they belong. The story I pray others see in me is one full of faith, transparency, hope, determination, strength, resilience, grace and surrender.

“I've tasted your goodness, I'll trust in Your promise. I'm gonna wait on You."

Elevation Worship & Maverick City Music

I might not know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow. I know how the story ends. I am confident in the goodness and faithfulness of my God. Continuing to trust Him and surrender my grip while resting on the promise that He's working it out for my good and for His glory. Trust Him, my friends. He's working it out for you too.

Amy <3

Job's Journey: From Ashes to Grace

Sat, 24 Jun 2023 23:25:03 GMT

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

Job 5:9

I finished reading through the book of Job earlier this month, a text saturated with deep suffering and one that leaves us with more questions than answers. It had always been a difficult read for me… until the last few years. Now, it provides a relatable comfort in its pages that I had never previously grasped. A look into the rawness of suffering and loss. This comfort came not just from the words I was reading, but from reflecting on my own journey of loss and faith over the past seven years.

The book of Job tells the story of a righteous man whose life was completely overturned when God allowed Satan to test him. He lost everything dear to him through no apparent fault of his own. Yet he remained determined to trust God’s goodness and sovereignty in the midst of his pain. The book ends with God restoring and redeeming Job’s life and all he had endured. His latter days were greater than his former.

A life restored.

The story of grace and redemption my own heart longs for.

Questioning God : Why Did You Allow This?

Like most of us in our trials, Job never understood why he suffered. He asked why… but God didn’t directly answer his question. He instead gave Job a glimpse of who He was beyond all the pain and brokenness. The LORD allowed painful and prolonged suffering in Job’s life to give him a fresh vision that extended beyond what Job could have otherwise understood. The only meaningful answer Job receives is from God Himself who tells Job that he’ll never fully comprehend what God is up to.

So many experiences in life leave us longing for answers and relief. We ache for full restoration and healing.

Reflecting on my own journey, I've found myself stripped of countless things. Friends and even family I once held dear, most of our earthly possessions, my health and freedom to live, dreams for our children's childhoods and any resemblance of the life I had previously known. At times, it has felt as though the bottom dropped out of our life and everything we thought we could depend on has disappeared from view.

Despite all the loss and hardship, God's grace has remained my unwavering source of strength. This journey of suffering has revealed His presence in ways I never could have anticipated. Just as God gave Job a glimpse of who He was amidst his pain, I've seen His endless love and grace in my own life over these last years. God shows up in the midst of deep pain and loss.

Suffering always serves a greater purpose when it drives us to our knees - seeking shelter in the strong and healing presence of our Savior. This is God’s intent for every hardship we may face. As difficult as it is to understand, God is at always at work, even in our darkest valleys. He longs to meet us in the middle of every question we’re asking. It's ok to get angry and frustrated, even at God. He can handle all of our emotions. And while He doesn’t always take our pain away or answer our questions, He promises to give us His comfort, peace and presence in it.

The book of Job proclaims Christ on every single page. I will continue to believe that God is in the muck with me and will not abandon me. Faith is trusting God even when we don’t understand His action, or seeming lack of action. Job’s grief is painfully raw and real. His life goes from being a beautiful testament of peace to a complete train wreck of pain. But he emerges from it all with a deeper depth for his soul.

I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth.

Job 19:25

Through all suffering, we can trust that God is good. That He is good at being God. And He has good things in store for our future. We know our Redeemer lives - even when we cannot see it or feel it.

Beyond Words: The Strength of Support

As Job's story plainly illustrates, earthy possessions will not last. If you put too much of your hope, joy, and fulfillment in things or even the people in your life, disappointment is inevitable. A key lesson that Job’s friends and family failed to understand is the power of presence and the act of meeting Job in his valley in a way that would minister to him. Truly seeing someone's trial and meeting them where they are at is a priceless gift.

Sometimes, it’s more supportive and helpful to simply be present and listen, however that may look, rather than offer misinformed consolation, misguided advice, or choose to overlook the situation entirely. Job’s friends not only failed to be there for Job in the ways he needed, but they also gave poor advice based on their misunderstandings of God. Instead of providing comfort, they added more unnecessary grief to his situation. I'm reminded of a verse in 2 Corinthians 1 that urges us to comfort those who are in any trouble, just as we have been comforted by God. This call to empathy serves as a reminder of how we should support others - not in ways that are always convenient for us, but in ways that truly honor and glorify God.

This world is not our home. At times, God removes earthly things and individuals for reasons we may never understand. I've learned the hard lesson of letting go and trusting God with whatever comes back to me. The book of Job is a testament that even the worst circumstances can occur... and you'll still be okay. In fact, you'll be refined more deeply and filled with even more faith and gratitude. There’s only one thing you can have forever, and that’s God himself.

God's Goodness and Grace Amidst Suffering

God counts us blessed when we endure. Job is an example of patience in deep suffering, representing the ending so many of us pray for - full restoration in the land of the living. Such a beautiful picture of God’s goodness. God didn't owe Job a double-blessing, but He gave one because it's wh o He is. Grace utterly undeserved. God doesn't owe it to us to bring good out of our valleys and trials, yet it's a promise He's given that He always will.

In the midst of Job's darkest hour, God said to him that he would fill Job's mouth with laughter and his lips with shouts of joy. I believe God wants to remind you today that He is able to fill your mouth with laughter and praise regardless of what you maybe facing. He can turn any season around. Believe that joy is coming, healing is coming and restoration is coming in your life. Your season of grief is going to be turned to dancing and your sorrows to joy.

You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the LORD finally brought about. The LORD is full of compassion and mercy.

James 5:11

Our God is indeed able and willing to bring beauty from ashes. His heart is for restoring our brokenness and redeeming our pain. Regardless of our circumstances, whether the Lord restores us on this earth or in glory, God is still our Redeemer - full of compassion and such beautiful mercy. One day we can be assured that we will be fully restored by the One who made us.

Job’s hardest questions are perfectly answered later on in the person of Jesus Christ. God’s glory always has the final word.

Trust in God: Finding Peace in 'It is Well"

The phrase that's been on repeat in my mind this month is: “It is well… It is well with my soul.” May we be able to truly say, "it is well..." no matter what season of life we're in. And let our worship and praise of our Heavenly Father rise not just because of what He has given us or brought us through, but most simply because of who He is.

There is so much that we will never understand in this life, but we can rest in the fact that one day our understanding will be made clear. Until then, we can trust that God is always with us, and that He sees our journey's end from its beginning. We never have to doubt that He is in control. Let our trials be a testimony of His greatness.

I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

Job 42:2

How has the story of Job resonated with you in your life? Are there lessons you've drawn from your own experiences of suffering and restoration? I'd love to hear your thoughts below.

Through Job's story, we're continually reminded that even in our darkest hours, when we're filled with hard questions and uncertainties, God is always at work. He's shaping us, guiding us, and fulfilling His greater purpose. Despite our trials, God's grace is always present and He is worthy of our praise. Let His peace wash over you today - The peace of knowing that our Redeemer lives and He will see you through.

This week I find myself praying for renewed strength and fresh vision over my own life. If you're on a similar journey, I'd be honored to pray this over your life too.

Amy <3

Lyme Disease Awareness

Wed, 31 May 2023 03:11:51 GMT

beware of the great imitator

Lyme. One word that has changed every second of my life for over 7 years and counting. I’ve lost track of how many times my illness has been questioned or dismissed, even before it had a name. The embodiment of “invisible illness” which can make you feel even more invisible. The whole way through, even to this day, I am met with doubt and suspicion that I couldn't possibly be so incredibly sick, because I "look" so nice.

Sadly, our medical system has failed so many of us. Very few are truly educated on the severity of Lyme Disease. The condensed and honest truth?

Borrelia burgdorferi (aka: Lyme - no “s” at the end) is caused by a corkscrew-shaped bacteria called a spirochete that can spread and infiltrate every part of the body through the blood. It burrows so deep into organs and even bones creating biofilms to protect itself while changing its DNA, shape, and function often to avoid being killed as it escapes detection by the immune system and goes undetected on tests. There are 5 subspecies of Borrelia burgdorferi, over 100 strains in the United States, and 300 strains worldwide. Lyme disease gets its name from a small town in Connecticut called Lyme where many cases were first reported and it is the first cousin of syphilis.

Everyone responds differently to Lyme, which makes it even more difficult to diagnose and treat. Lyme Disease is most commonly transmitted by a tick, but can be transferred through other hosts of animals, insects & even from a mother to her child in the womb. Less than 50% of patients recall a tick bite and only 17% find the tick. Often people with Lyme disease don't experience a rash. Currently there is no cure for this disease, though you can become symptom free.

Once Lyme crosses the blood-brain barrier, it can invade the nervous system, leading to a range of extreme and life altering neurological symptoms that slowly destroy one's life. It is able to infect any organ in the body, including the brain, nerves, joints, gut, heart and muscles, causing a range of serious systemic issues that closely resemble conditions like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Bell's palsy, MS, ALS, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. So often, people get diagnosed with these labels when the root is actually Lyme disease and any of the 18 tick borne diseases that can be transmitted from a single bite of a tick. There are 300 known symptoms linking just to Lyme.

There is no standard treatment that consistently provides effective relief for everyone who has this disease, especially cases that were undiagnosed for an extended period of time. For those patients, it cannot be cured with 30 days of antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, positive thinking, exercise, or even the right diet. It can take years to diagnose and then even more years to recover. It is common to have lasting damage from the havoc it creates. There are no tests currently available to prove that the organism is eradicated or that the patient with chronic Lyme disease has reached remission.

Lyme is as insidious as cancer. Despite this, it receives very little funding or research from our government. The CDC's treatment guidelines are completely outdated and they don't even recognize chronic Lyme disease. Those doctors who do try to help are often penalized or worse. Treatment is not covered by insurance, leaving patients with out-of-pocket expenses in the tens of thousands of dollars each year in hopes of reaching remission or even just a break from the nightmare and trauma.

Lyme teaches you brutal and yet priceless lessons. How to smile through the pain and brush off how you are actually feeling. You learn very quickly what it really means to love. How terrifying it can be to lose others and yourself as you cling to any sense of normalcy. You learn how greed and profit directly affect healthcare and experience firsthand the true impacts of gaslighting. So many doors are opened that are dead ends as your finances continue to wither away faster than you ever expected. You are stuck with needle after needle just praying that someone will catch the beast inside of you that is slowly trying to kill you and actually be able to do something about it.

Lyme is one of the darkest and loneliest illnesses a person can go through aside from mold illness and it will try to rob you of almost everything. Mold illness will try to rob you of what is left. Lyme and mold often go hand-in-hand because they impact the same detoxification pathways in your body. Often a person can have dormant Lyme that comes roaring out after being impacted by toxic mold exposures. Alternatively, Lyme can make you far more sensitive to mold in your environment.

Through this journey you suffer heartbreak after heartbreak. There have been so many times I wanted to escape out of my body because of the pure torment that I was feeling inside of it. This illness has touched every part of my body, my life and my family. So much pruning and moments of faith being tested. It has changed me in hundreds of ways. I have often wondered how I can possibly take it anymore... yet God continues to meet me in those moments and give me a fresh outpouring of His grace and strength to keep pressing on. He continues to refine me into who I was always meant to be and enables me somehow not to grow bitter. There's so much more wholeness in my life now that is not dependent on whether or not people understand my journey. I am living for an audience of one.

I would not be here today if it wasn't for Jesus and Jesus alone. He has sustained me, carried me and enabled me to find clear purpose in this valley. Walking the narrow road of healing can be lonely and utterly messy, but the glimmers of Him that I continue to find along the way are invaluable. To feel endless suffering inside my body and yet still breathe God in and know He's right there in the midst of it all. My healing is currently in small layers and victories. And I'm realizing how beautiful those can be.

Like others walking a similar path, there are many reasons for my sickness and Lyme is just one of the pieces of the puzzle that we have put together. And though Lyme is extremely difficult to treat, I know that God is able to do the impossible. That is where my hope is found. When I am healed and thriving again, it will be fully through my Jesus, because there is currently no earthly cure for Lyme.

It's Lyme Disease awareness month, and this is our families reality as Lyme as touched each one of us. This disease is a silent epidemic but the silence is growing louder each year as more people continue to be impacted. No one deserves to suffer from this disease, and no one can overcome it alone. I pray one day for full healing or remission. Until then, I will keep fighting, holding onto hope and declaring that the blood of Jesus speaks a better word over my body than Lyme.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

1 Peter 5:10

I want to clarify that my intention in sharing this is not to seek pity or sympathy. The choice of silently healing would be much easier. One day, I hope to write my full story from the beginning to help someone else know that they aren't alone and so others can realize how devastating this illness can be. Please understand that it is worth being careful when you are outside.

For now, all I want to add is that I can't wait to be whole again. I can't wait to not feel sick every day. I can't wait to walk more than a few steps each day without severe consequences. I can't wait to sing again. I can't wait to sleep upstairs in my bedroom again. I can't wait to cook my family a meal and actually eat the food with them. I can't wait to drive again and go someplace other than my doctor's office. I can't wait to wake up and know how my body will function for the day. I can't wait for this invisible illness to no longer feel like it is hurting every single aspect of my life. I can't wait for the restoration that I know is coming.

Our family is utterly grateful for all who continue to step into this dark valley and speak life into our weary bones. Entering into our suffering and supporting us with your prayers, tangible gifts and love means more than we could ever say. Lyme disease is brutal. It's debilitating, but we are walking out a story of redemption and finding hope and joy even in the midst of long suffering.

Amy <3

The Secret Place

Sun, 30 Apr 2023 22:53:45 GMT

He who dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

psalm 91:1

May we be those who dwell in secret with Him. The one we love.

a b i d i n g

r e s t i n g

d w e l l i n g

All words that require us to trust God with His timing and wherever He currently has us. In our healing, our mountaintops, our valleys and our lives. He knows the end from the beginning.

My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust

psalm 91:2

In a world that continues to be full of chaos and uncertainty and storms that seem to never end, dwelling in the secret place of the Lord is a source of true strength and stability. It reminds us that our hope is not in our circumstances or the things of this word, but in the unchanging character of our Heavenly Father. He is our shelter and safe haven - the one we can always trust. In Him, we can find the strength, courage and grace needed to face whatever comes our way.

The Lord promises that even when we are asked to walk hard roads, we are still walking, we are still standing, and we will not be destroyed as we continue to crawl into His heart where He can cover and protect us. Our earthly bodies may face trials and tribulations, but our souls can rest and trust in Him. Abide in Him. Cling to Him. Seek Him daily. This is our protection and our covering.

No matter what difficulties you may encounter this week, especially the tough stuff, know that you are never alone. God wants to be your place of refuge. Let your heart rest, trust and find healing there my friend. You couldn’t be more loved than you already are.

Amy <3

Unstoppable Hope

Sat, 22 Apr 2023 19:38:03 GMT

God invades the most difficult situations with His unstoppable hope.

Aubrey Sampson

I decided to make my own sunshine after a week filled with dreary weather. One of my favorite combos of essential oils to diffuse ( stress away + citrus fresh )!! Smells like summer in a bottle! Today, I read this life-giving truth in my journal from Aubrey Sampson. “God invades the most difficult of situations with His unstoppable hope.”

Unstopp able Hope

See the word “able” nestled within the word unstoppable. Yes - Our God is able. He can invade, eradicate, uproot, cover and redeem even the hardest parts of our lives. In circumstances or valleys where it can so often feel hopeless, may your heart be reminded today that God is faithful and His power has no limits.

“Now may God, the fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with his super-abundance until you radiate with hope.”

Romans 15:13

I can’t promise you God is going to move in all of the ways you’re longing for Him to today or even in this lifetime. But remember with God there is always hope, there is always redemption, and whatever He touches, He is able to transform for our good and His glory.

Let Him breathe hope, peace, restoration, joy, strength and His never-failing compassion over you today.

Amy <3

The God Who Sees Me

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 21:11:29 GMT

Come near to God and He will come near to you.

James 4:8

I can't... But I know HE CAN.

I don't know how... But I know WHO.

How often we forget, in this world where it's easy to feel overlooked or forgotten, that our Creator has never once taken His eyes off us.

He is El Roi - The God Who Sees Me.

God reminded me again yesterday that He takes note of every single detail of our lives. He knows each longing, setback, victory, failure, sickness, need, tear, dream and thought. Nothing is ever too big or too insignificant for Him.

God is watching every moment and gently drawing us into His capable and loving arms. He sees us right where we are and He meets us there. I remind myself to look for Him everywhere and in everything. I continue to find that He is in it all.

From the random text a sweet friend sent to the unexpected week of sunny summer weather. Hearing my children laugh together. The worship song my heart just needed to hear. A gentle nudge to add a forgotten supplement back in which calmed some unpleasant new symptoms. And the unexpected generosity of a dear friend, walking through her own chronic illness valley, that will pay for my upcoming blood tests.

He's right there in it all.

You've just got to take time to look and listen.

I love to see the encouragement God continues to sprinkle throughout my days and the reminders that show how He truly is carrying our family. It gives me such comfort knowing He's the one who's got this.

Wherever you are right now, as you draw near to God, He promises to draw near to you. You are seen by a God who knows each and every detail of your life and He loves you through every single moment.

Look for Him today.

Amy <3

<3 The song below has been on my daily playlist for a couple years. It's anointed and powerful! I pray it speaks to your heart today.

Speak

By: Bethany Music

I wanna hear you, louder than the noise

I wanna feel you, closer than the air I breathe

Deep within my soul burning.

Speak to me let my heart

Be awakened by the whispering of love

Pull me close to your heart

Let the silence now be filled with your voice

Found in surrender, my heart is fully yours

Caught in the moment, captivated by the unseen

Your loving heart for me revealed

Speak to me let my heart

Be awakened by the whispering of love

Pull me close to your heart

Let the silence now be filled with your voice

The words I hear you say

You've been speaking now for all of time

All of time

You're with me.

You're for me.

You have a plan for me.

And I will never walk alone.

Sunday is Coming

Fri, 07 Apr 2023 17:27:46 GMT

hope is on the way

Thank you Jesus for the cross.

I will never look at the crucifixion the same way again after my last few years. There are so many details leading up to the last days that Jesus walked the earth that astound me as I have reflected this week.

The sorrow, the pain, the depth of His love and even the fear that was felt in the somberness. Jesus shows us what true strength in the midst of unbelievable pain and tragedy really looks like. How fear and love can hold space together and supernatural peace can surround even the most difficult circumstances. We see His humanity and the great sacrifice He paid for our sins.

Jesus was sinless. But He understood suffering, despair, pain, betrayal and abandonment at a level we can't comprehend. The Savior of this world even questioned His Father’s plan while he hung on the cross. He wrestled with thoughts like so many of us do, asking God to “take this cup from me” because He knew that with God it was possible.

Yet the cross wasn’t the end. It had a purpose. Good Friday was just the beginning of a story full of redemption, restoration and the resurrection power of the cross that is available to change your life. It was the day that revealed Jesus is exactly who He says He is.

His pain held promise.

No matter what you are facing in your own life - it may be a part of your story, but it doesn’t have to be the end. Today is a reminder that even when the darkness of this world seems to take over and life feels anything but good - hope is coming.

The blood of Jesus speaks a better word!! Nothing is wasted, even our greatest pain. God can use anything you may be going through right now for your good and His glory!

Jesus bore the sins of the world and through all the suffering and betrayal, He loved us anyways. Because of Him we can have hope. He was forsaken so we could be forgiven. He knew that His death was the only way to bring deliverance.

This is love.

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

Isaiah 53:5

I’m overwhelmed once again. He did that for you. He did that for me.

The greatest love we will ever know.

Today He invites us to hold space for all our suffering and brokenness - His and our own. But to know that Sunday is coming where all that is heavy will be made new.

Hold on my friend. Hope is on the way.

Amy <3

Unpredictability

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 20:11:51 GMT

Extend grace. Quiet my mind. Remind my heart how far I've come.

Before I even opened my eyes yesterday, I knew the day ahead would be one of those extra challenging days. My body told me so in countless ways. I did what I knew to support it, but when my nervous system goes off from Lyme and friends, it tends to send my spine and every other system right along with it.

So here we are today at my clinic- thankful for Functional Doctors who think outside the box, take appointments even on their no patient days and know how to help my body reset to reduce symptoms.

One of the hardest parts of this healing journey for me? It's not the hard days or even the pain. They are expected.

It's the unpredictability of it all.

Never knowing what tomorrow may look like, how big the waves will be or how long they will last. There is no control or even knowing fully what I did or didn't do that "may" have set things off. Most times, it's just this beast of a disease that decides to roar its ugly head and nothing will stop or prevent it. The mental battles with these illnesses are often harder than any physical symptom.

It's one of the things God has been teaching me through this long valley. Letting go of control. All of it. Trusting that He can and will take care of me and every single detail way better than I ever possibly could.

I keep doing whatever I can do when I can with my earthly abilities and surrender the rest all to Him... over and over again. However many times it takes.

So no, I didn't have this appointment or additional symptoms in my plans for today. I wish I never had to. But I am very thankful for the relief an adjustment will bring and that I was able to walk in and out of the clinic on my own with a strength that continues to grow.

I extend grace. I quiet my mind. And I remind my heart how far I have come.

There is a peace and comfort God can only give knowing we don't have to figure it all out. It's too heavy a burden.

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

Jeremiah 29:11

Let Him guide your steps. You can trust that whatever He has for you, it's far greater than anything you could do yourself! It's a daily surrender and one you may have to do multiple times a day. But the LORD will be right there with you.

Amy <3

Joy in the Morning

Sun, 05 Mar 2023 04:33:37 GMT

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

Throughout our lives, we will all go through situations and seasons that can either make or break our faith in God. Any follower of Jesus can attest to experiencing nights of hardship that seem long and dark and at times, almost hopeless. For some, those nights are short and brutal. For others, they may last years and decades, slowly wearing away at earthly hopes and making joy that much harder to find. During those times, you can't put trust in circumstances changing in the way or timing you desire, but you can trust the One who rules over them. He cannot be unfaithful to His promises.

Faith teaches us to believe in things that we are yet to see, things we are yet to experience. To keep us going and believing in the love and grace that our Savior has for us. His word is still true and His mercies endure forever regardless of what we may be currently facing. For the one who remains steadfast in faith and endures, the day will come when light finally begins to dawn, when weeping is turned into a song of praise and sorrows into joy. God is always working towards a good ending for the story of our lives.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18

The verse above is best summed up for me as "the pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming". Words that continue to breathe life into my weary soul. Oh how I've held onto this precious promise. After so many years, it can often seem like a new day will never arrive. The last few years have been a roller coaster of the beautiful and the utter heartbreaking for our family. Through tears and laughter, the joy and mercy of the Lord has sustained us. Joy through Him can be found in every season of life.

Health Update

My mind this last month has been restless with so many thoughts. Trying to put these thoughts into complete sentences that make sense has been a struggle. Even just being on my computer has once again proven to be more of a challenge. This is one of the many impacts of chronic neurological Lyme and it comes in waves for me, so I apologize ahead of time for how my words may land on this post. If you aren't interested in a short health update or hearing a little more about neurological Lyme, feel free to skip to the Joy in the Morning section to read what my heart truly wanted to share. Some parts of these next two sections may be triggering for those who are walking through their own health journey.

I started a new Lyme treatment a few weeks ago that compliments what I have already been doing this last year. As in the past, I'm not going to share any details about it yet until I am further along, but it's been another testimony to God opening doors and making a way. My body was starting to have some scarier symptoms pop up and stick around again as the winter season progressed. Since December, things have been slowly getting worse the longer I was without sun and warmer weather.

It took me a while to realize that God wanted me to go down this new treatment path, because it isn't a commonly recognized treatment nor something I ever thought I would try... But the LORD kept bringing it to the front of my attention and placing a few sweet individuals on my path who are seeing great success with this specific therapy. I finally had to recognize that it was something I should consider since it was appearing in so many areas of my life.

The increase of symptoms and other significant changes that have shown up lately is very encouraging and shows us that this new therapy is doing something. It's a blessing but is also horrible all at the same time. I can tell the treatments are currently hitting my co-infection Bartonella the hardest because of all the brain and neurological symptoms I'm experiencing, along with the cat scratch marks that are once again appearing on my body.

Bartonella is also called cat-scratch disease and is a co-infection of Lyme disease. It's one of many that I have been diagnosed with. And yes, you can get this infection from cats. The marks can also look like stretch marks that come and go and are the oddest thing to experience. My son has them all over his legs and back. Mine are always the worst on my chest, stomach and up and down my spine in areas where I would never be able to reach.

I remember back before I knew I had Lyme, I would be at my acupuncture appointments to help relieve my symptoms and the practitioner would comment almost every time on how I had so many scratches all over my body. At the time, I just thought my husband was scratching me while we were sleeping... The things I wish I had known back then about these diseases.

As the pages of this blog continue to be written, you will see I don't focus very much on what I walk through daily. I've never been one to want any sort of special attention or sympathy, especially in the midst of suffering with something that is so misunderstood. My sufferings have brought me near the painful sting of death. Yet, they have also led me to greater hope and greater faith. That is what I choose to place my focus on and what I want to share the most on these pages.

One day, I hope to share more intimate details of my story, because my heart's desire is to help others who may find themselves on a similar lonely road. I'm an open book though if you ever have a question - feel free to reach out! When I do mention symptoms, just know it took a lot to get me to actually write them down and I've probably minimized what I am experiencing.

A Glimpse of Neurological Lyme Disease

I'm often asked what my neurological Lyme specifically looks like. That's a loaded question and varies based on the day and even the season of where my treatments are or what infection is currently flaring. I can thankfully say that my brain symptoms have gotten SO MUCH BETTER this last year, but they are still far from what remission would look like. Some of my first symptoms of Lyme, even a few days before I "became sick", were coming from my nervous system and brain. I am no stranger to how horrible they can become. This illness will fight you tooth and nail to not go down.

When my neuro symptoms flare, I continue to struggle with intense tremors, nerve pain, blurred vision, electrical zingers in my head, numbness, migraines, eye floaters, severe weakness on the right side of my body, mini-seizures, vertigo, losing my vagal muscles and ability to swallow, bell's palsy, slow speech, gut paralysis and stroke-like symptoms to name a few. My symptoms usually get worse as the day progresses. I often struggle until the wee hours of the morning just trying to fall asleep, but I know that if I can fall asleep, even for just a couple hours, many of my symptoms will reset for the next day. God made our bodies amazing like that. The lyrics from the song I mention below say " there's new mercy, every morning, hold on till you see the sun". This has held true hundreds of times in my own life over these last years. God's faithful mercy as the sunrises has been such a gift.

I am still not able to move very much. Not just from weakness, but also because my brain just doesn't know where my feet are in this world and the fallout from that can be hard and unpredictable. I have had to relearn how to walk several times in the last few years and it can still be a struggle. My spine has also been severely compromised and weakened from where Lyme attacked it along with the surrounding organs. We've noticed over the years how much my smile has even changed from this disease. There are days that I can hardly get my facial muscles to give me a glimpse of my real smile. But it is coming back more frequently this year! I am also thankfully starting to eat small amounts of rice once a day that aren't blended with my other food. Such a big praise to not choke or aspirate and actually be able to chew some food for one meal.

The ALS / MS like symptoms are the worst neurological ones for me. Trust me when I say chronic neurological Lyme disease is absolutely horrible. I won't go into what mast cell activation and other infections add to this mix. At one point a couple years ago, I had over 100 daily symptoms from these illnesses. No area of your body or organs go untouched. My heart especially goes out to anyone with chronic late stage neurological Lyme Disease. I pray you have a strong support system and people in your life who believe what you are going through. Please reach out to me if you don't or if you just need a friend who can relate.

Ok - enough with health updates and the gloomy, but very real side of this valley...

Joy Will Come in the Morning

A theme that God has been speaking into my heart this new year from almost every angle is the phrase " JOY will come in the morning". He normally gives me a word for the new year, but it seems this year the LORD spoke a phrase to my heart instead. Our family hasn't had much joy the last several years and it is starting to really wear on all of us. Yes - we find joy any way we can and the joy of the LORD is truly our strength, but overall the heaviness of this life we are living has grown heavier this past year. I think we are finally starting to come out of the constant fight or flight mode we've had to be in just to survive. We can actually start to comprehend what these last years have held. Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes.

The new rendition of Joy in the Morning by Tauren Wells, featuring Elevation Worship, has been life giving to me this last month. "If it's not good then He's not done." Amen and AMEN. God has been showing me that yes, the nights may seem endless and feel like they never end, but He tells us that JOY will come in the morning. This phrase sounds so encouraging and uplifting, but for many of us there may be a thousand long nights before we find our joy in the morning. It's not just a pretty phrase you put on a sign to look at - it's what God has told us.

If you are in the middle of a season where you don't know what's next, this is where your faith truly becomes real. Faith often feels like you are walking forwards blind and falling backwards blind while trusting that God's plan for you is far greater than the circumstances currently surrounding your life. I continue to remind myself that when God says joy is coming, then it will come. Faith is trusting what we do not see.

I find especially when my neurological symptoms become worse, I will start to feel fear try to creep back in and tell me that nothing I am doing is working and everything is going to start spiraling out of control again. Falling backwards blind is one of the hardest parts of this valley. It becomes a very weary cycle.

During times like this, I've had to learn to actively take my thoughts captive. Instead of looking at my circumstances as evidence to prove that my thoughts are right, I've learned to really stand firm and go to the word of God. To find His truth over what my eyes currently see. It's the only truth that I can stand on and trust when it feels like I am surrounded on every side. If God says joy comes in the morning and if He says He is working all things together for my good, then I believe it will come. It's always darkest before the dawning of a new day.

My Eternal Hope is in the Kingdom of Heaven

Over the years, I've wrestled with how to manage the tension when the reality that you are experiencing doesn't look like what God has promised in His word. When the situation you are in just doesn't seem to change. I've had to really lean into the character of God, because the cliché sayings don't often work after so many years of walking through such a difficult valley.

When it all gets too heavy and you feel like the faith filled words just can't come out of your mouth anymore... What do you lean on? You have to lean on God's character. Who He actually is. Who His word declares Him to be. I remind myself of all the times He has shown up for me in the past and all the times He has shown up in other people's lives. I remind myself of how His promises have been steadfast and faithful to get me this far. I remind myself that God doesn't change regardless of my season or symptoms. If He showed up back then, I can trust that He will show up now.

The beautiful thing about the character of God is that it is multi-dimensional. He is transcendent and He is also imminent. He is higher and above, but He is also so close and personal. God is beyond all sin, guilt and temptation. And yet He chose to step down from His throne into our broken world full of pain, dysfunction, sadness and loss. The reality that He is beyond AND He is also here with us is where my hope rests.

My ultimate hope is not of this world - it is in the Kingdom of Heaven. A place that is everlasting, unchanging, unending and endures for all eternity. My hope is that one day I will leave this world full of suffering and step into eternity with my Savior where I will experience the peace, the grace and the joy that flows from the goodness of our Heavenly Father. Yes - my weeping may endure for a night, but because of my God, I know that joy will come in the morning and one day it will last for all eternity.

Keep Believing Even in the Middle of the Unknown

I am currently holding on to the truth that no night or season lasts forever. The sun will always rise and with the dawn comes the blessing and favor of our Heavenly Father, who is hard at work to strengthen and deliver His children. No matter how dark life may seem, God has promised that joy will come.

David, who wrote the Psalms, experienced many ups and downs in his lifetime. He was known as "a man after God's own heart". His own heart is poured out in the scriptures talking about the experiences he walked through. David learned that any valley he went through was only temporary for "a night". It was just a season. He had seen time and time again how God delivered him in multiple ways. He trusted that God was always with him, for him, beside him AND ahead of him so he could count on joy coming.

God doesn't change - no that's not who our God is. He is steadfast and faithful. This life might not look like the way we thought it would - but in the end, it will actually be far better than we could have imagined. When we get to that place of full surrender where our hearts cry is: God you lead me... God you speak to me... God you show me.... God you fill me... God you use me... God I need your strength... God I trust you... That is the best place to be. Open hands that are surrendered to His perfect will. God knows your heart and He knows what's next. You can trust His plan for your life and that it will one day all make sense. I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning - just hold on till you see the sun.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

My friend, you and I can experience these harder seasons of life knowing that they do have an end date. When we keep our eyes on Jesus, we can be sure the morning light will come. Remind yourself what your soul already knows. God is for you. He's got you. He hasn't forgotten you. This is not the end of your story, but just a chapter. If it's not good, then He's not done! Keep holding on - JOY is on the horizon.

Amy <3

Joy in the Morning

By: Tauren Wells featuring Elevation Worship

Everything happens for a reason, but you don't know what you don't know
And you'll never have peace if you don't let go of tomorrow
'Cause it ain't even faith till your plan falls apart but you still choose to follow
If it doesn't make sense right now, it will when it's over

And there will be joy in the morning
There will be joy in the morning

If it's not good then He's not done, no He's not done with it yet

There will be joy in the morning

Giving in to your feelings is like drowning in the shallows
Oh, you've gotta keep believing еven in the middle of thе unknown
'Cause grace will be there when you come to the end of your rope, when you let go
It may feel like you're going down now, but the story isn't over

So lift your eyes and know, that there is joy
You don't have to stay where you're at
There's light at the end of the tunnel

There's new mercy every morning
Hold on till you see the sun
Sing through the night, lift up your eyes
Joy is on the horizon

Oh, I feel it coming
I feel it stirring up deep inside
Keep holding on, keep holding on
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy is coming

This is 41

Mon, 27 Feb 2023 02:23:11 GMT

Another Year Around the Sun

Nothing fancy to celebrate this birthday - just lots of love from my sweet little family and deep gratitude for this body of mine that continues to fight so hard for me. I don’t take another year of life for granted. Birthdays these last several years have been harder as nothing looks how we had hoped. This birthday was no exception as my body must not have read the memo that it was my special day. Regardless, I can say that God continues to fill me with unexplainable peace, hope, expectancy and a strength that can only come from His hands.

41 years taught me....

how to hold onto hope when my deepest parts wanted to give up.

how to pray and press into God's presence because it's the greatest legacy I can leave my children and their children.
how to rest in the promises of God while still waiting on unanswered prayers.
how to love others simply by showing up and being present with whatever road they are walking.
how to trust an unknown future to a known God.

The LORD has been so good and faithful. Every step of the way. He blessed me yesterday with clear skies and a sunny winter day that I could sit out on our deck for a couple hours. I was able to recharge, get some natural vitamin D and even catch a good little tan!

I’m continuing to learn how to wait well and trust this next year to the LORD. He is restoring and making a way - however that way may look, we are expectant. Our family has never needed more clear wisdom or divine direction than we do in these next few months. Asking Jesus to continue parting this Red Sea and to make a clear path.

God, you’ve never made a promise you couldn’t keep, ‘cause you don’t lie to me. I’m holding onto that. (Numbers 23:19)

I love this excerpt found in Dr. Tony Evan’s book Pathways that I read in my journal today. Hope it encourages you in some way.

“Your responsibility is to remain tied to His Word and in close proximity with His Spirit so that each step you take is the one He’s guiding you to take. Step-by-step you’ll get there. Yes some steps are harder than others. Some hills are steeper than others. Some tracks are more treacherous than others. But all are necessary in getting you where God wants you to go. You don’t have to see the destination when you set out on the journey. You just have to know the One who can. He’ll guide, direct and sustain you as you just stay close to Him every step along the path. He knows the way. He knows the play. He’s writing the script. He’s setting the stage. He’s changing the scenes. Casting the characters. You just need to obey His direction in this grand, spectacular story known as your life.”

Really grateful for this community that the LORD has given me! Love y’all!!

Amy <3

Truths to Remember

Fri, 24 Feb 2023 02:11:04 GMT

My birthday is in a couple days and it’s filling me with lots of emotions. Special days have just been harder lately. But regardless, I can say that God is very much in control despite my unchanging circumstances or disappointments. He continues to meet me in this valley and fill me with all that I need to keep pressing forward. I know to continue waiting on Him and trusting the process as He leads and carries me through this valley. And yes, I still fully believe that he will carry me THROUGH to the other side. Prayer and worship have been the soil to grow my faith and hope in Christ as I trust Him.

I'm choosing to continue trusting and having full faith in what God has shown me, is showing me and has promised our family. HE IS ALL IN. It's not just me. One day I believe I will look back on these years and see His promises fulfilled in my life. It will solely be because His grace sustained me, I believed the Word of the LORD and I heard His still small voice guiding me. I won't be able to say I got any of it because I followed the well-worn path.

Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord."

Luke 1:45

I wanted to encourage you today with some of the truths the LORD has been showing me these last few years.

⇢ God will give you the grace, strength and peace needed for whatever road you may be walking. One step at a time.

⇢ Nothing in your story will be wasted.

⇢ God is able to still use you in the most beautiful ways while you are in the middle.

⇢ The LORD can transform pain into purpose and a trial into a testimony.

⇢ You can stop monitoring whatever you have placed in God’s hands. He’s got it covered.

⇢ God is able to do more. Always.

God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Ephesians 3:20

It all comes down to fully knowing Him and believing that what He says is really true.

And it is.

God has walked with me through it all - the good, the bad and the ugly. Knowing Him is the greatest joy of my life.

Amy <3

My Focus

Fri, 03 Feb 2023 00:43:58 GMT

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 9:10

I'm grateful for this first weekend of a new month. Really hoping that February will be kinder to my body. The last month was a bit of a doozy. I am very happy to see it leave and to know that we are one month closer to SPRING and warmer days. Minnesota's endless winter and trying to heal just aren't a good combo as I seem to say every year around this time. Believing one year that phrase will be a thing of the past.

Our family has been in a long season of letting go (of what was) to make room (for what's to come). We still don't know what that's going to fully look like or where God will place us. Healing is hard, friends. On so many levels. Trusting with open hands is even harder some days after so much loss... I've been trying these last few weeks to really focus on the good cause let's face it, sorrow can just suck the life right out of you.

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

Hebrews 10:36

I know that God has already gone ahead of our family and is making a way. He continues to carry us and fill our hearts with hope. We are waiting with expectancy for what's to come and praying for clear God breathed direction. There are no easy solutions, so we know that God is going to need to be front and center doing what only He can do! BUT my soul is restless and ready, which often is a good indicator that something new is on the horizon. This body of mine just needs to catch up!

There are many days where we could feel forsaken. But we never are. God sees. He knows. He cares. Although I am unsure of what these next months will hold, I will choose to place my hope in the LORD. I trust He will renew my strength to endure whatever may be ahead. He uses all of our past experiences to prepare us for our future. We are not who we once were. Our entire family is stronger, wiser and more resilient.

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.

Isaiah 40:31

I can promise you friends that the journey God has you on may be hard, but you'll never walk alone. He is always faithful to do a new thing in your life.

God is trustworthy.

He is steadfast.

He is faithful.

He is good.

That's where my focus will be until He opens these next doors for our family. Believing it will be soon.

How are you?

What are you trusting God for?

Would love to pray for you later tonight while I'm sweating it out in our sauna! It's my favorite place to worship, pray, be still and heal. Message me or leave a comment below if you need prayer. I would love to come alongside you. Tuck this truth into your heart with me today - This is not where your story ends. Hold onto God with everything you have.

Amy <3

Believing for a New Season

Sun, 15 Jan 2023 03:48:02 GMT

At any moment, God can shift you from waiting on it, to walking in it.

Earlier this month, the anniversary of when my body crashed for the first time rolled around once again - seven years. It feels like a lifetime ago. My world has never been the same. That evening as I went to the ER, in what would later be countless more visits, I never expected that I would still be in the hardest season of my life all these years later.

God has brought me through so much. It's been a really difficult season for our family and one that few will ever understand. There really are no words that can even try to describe the unique challenges of this sickness. Just when I'm past one hard thing, another one hits. It's been relentless - but I'm here. Finally seeing steady glimpses of healing and giving thanks to my Savior for all that He has done and how far He has brought me. I don't know how anyone does this apart from Christ.

The Lord has been so incredibly faithful to our family. He has kept us, protected us, preserved us and provided for us time and time again. I will never stop proclaiming His faithfulness. When people look at me, I don't want them to see my suffering. I want them to see how faithful God has been through this season and how He is working to redeem my story in ways that only He can. I want them to see beauty in the ashes, gold purified through harsh fires and a grace that has no explanation. A testimony to His faithfulness alone through it all.

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."

Psalm 18:2

There have been countless times that I didn't know if I could take any more. I still have many days where all of this feels like too much for one person. The faithfulness of God though continues to strengthen and sustain me each and every time I reach that point - over and over and over again. In the loneliness and isolation of this season, His presence surrounds me, His peace calms me and His Spirit continues to sustain me.

It's been a season of deep surrender and purging - of wills having to break and bend to His. Dreams, goals and hearts being stripped and broken. A season of handing over to Jesus what we had built for years. A time of dealing with broken expectations and hope deferred that often seemed to surround us on every side. I've endured even when I had every reason to give up. In the midst of battling doubts, fears and losses, I made a choice to stay at the feet of my Savior and let Him carry me through this storm. It has been seven years of blind trust where most things haven't come to fruition like we'd hoped. So many breaking moments and often days where nothing feels in alignment, but so much deliverance and beautiful refinement can be found in the debris. The door to breakthrough has never felt so close!

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

Isaiah 43:2

I can look back to just a year ago and see how much stronger I am and how far God has brought me. Yes, I'm tired and extremely weary. Wilderness and warfare seasons that go on for this long will do that. But God has strengthened, deepened and equipped me along the way. He continues to prepare me for the next season that I know He is bringing forth. Our Heavenly Father wastes nothing. Even those things I would rather avoid. He is using them to shape and refine me into who He created me to be. God is in the business of restoration and redemption. He pieces the hardest parts of our stories together to bring about something new. He continues to bring me back to the full understanding that His timing, His process and His way can always be trusted.

I've been able to find joy and blessings even in the crushing. My hope is that this past season will show that I am living in a miracle of God's grace. Nothing I have earned or deserved. A grace that never ends and one that continues to be my lifeline. Without it, the burdens of these last years would have broken our family. But because of God's endless grace, they have drawn us closer to Him and sustained us through everything we have faced.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

My husband has always been fascinated with numbers and how God can move and work through them. Numbers in the Bible are often symbolic of a deeper meaning. The number 7 in the Bible especially has great significance as it appears over 700 times. It is often associated with completion, perfection or something being finished - both physically and spiritually. The number 7 derives much of its meaning from being tied directly to God's creation of all things. God created the earth in seven days. There are seven days in a week and the holy Sabbath was originally on the seventh day. The bible as a whole was originally divided into 7 major divisions. In 2 Kings 5:10 it says: Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed ." There are many more examples, but my point is to show you that the number seven is significant and suggests concepts such as completion and fulfillment of promises.

I've gone through this last season of seven years which was full of trials and suffering. My prayer and declaration is that God now has me entering a new season of seven years filled with healing and restoration as I begin to take back sevenfold what the enemy has stolen. We already started to see this forming in our lives and beginning to grow last year - the seventh year of my illness. The transition with a season ending and a new seasoning beginning. After the Egyptians and Israelites endured seven years of famine, they still had to wait for the next harvest before they could experience plenty. I am praying and believing in faith that after seven years of such an intense valley, the years of promises fulfilled are beginning.

" I will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten..." Joel 2:25

As I enter this new season, joy will mark my steps - not because of any certain outcome, but because I've learned that whatever comes, Jesus is already present and with me. He is already waiting in all of my tomorrows for whatever I may face. As a family, we are expectant for this next season. God has brought me through these last seven years. I know that He will complete wh at He has started. Christ in me - the hope of glory!

Oftentimes God's path to deliverance looks very different from the path w e would have chosen. We like quick fixes. Oh how parts of me wish that I could have easily found a solution that first year of my illness and continued to live the life our family had "planned". Our society wants struggles to be dealt with in the most convenient way possible. Most times, it doesn't work out like that. The path to true healing can be difficult. It often leads us to places we would never choose to go and asks us to lay down things we don't want to lose. It takes bravery to choose the narrow road. My body didn't give me much of a choice, but God has given me a fire in my soul that was made to walk this road as He sustains every single step.

The path to deliverance is becoming a beautiful journey of faith and one I can now say that I am grateful to have been trusted to walk, despite everything. God is so kind, loving and full of compassion. You can trust Him as you walk whatever road He has carved for you. He will make rivers in the desert and roads in the wilderness. I am living proof of it.

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:19

My progress since this past fall has slowed down a lot and certain things have seemed to reverse to how they were last winter. We are living in the tension of what our next steps should be despite having hardly any resources left to pull from. The enemy keeps trying to usher fear into places of our hearts that leaves us paralyzed at times with how to move forward.

Often when God is doing a new thing, you don't always see anything changing in front of you right away. Everything may look the same as it has been or it can even feel like you are going further away from where you hoped you would be. But here's a hidden gem. When God speaks His word over you or when you read a Bible verse that you feel is God breathed over your life, it's an invitation. If you'll grab hold of what He spoke and stand on it, no matter what you see around you, that is the kind of faith that will unlock the promises of Heaven over your life.

We see it happen all throughout the Bible. You can receive the word from God in your heart, declare amen and then walk confidently carrying the truth He has spoken over your life. Seven years ago we faced a lot of fear and so many unknowns. As this new season arrives, we face expectancy and anticipation of what God is doing as we keep looking to him for direction and standing on the promises He has given us. What may seem like God's inactivity is never His inability. He is able.

God has spoken countless verses over me these last seven years that have become my war cry and lifeline. One of the first was a verse from the book of Isaiah that He gave to me early on in my sickness. I heard His still small voice in my head over and over again saying " your light will break forth and your healing will arrive." At first it didn't dawn on me that it was a verse. I kept thinking it was a song lyric or a line from one of the many health and healing books I had been reading just trying to figure out what was going on in my body. After a few more times of hearing these words spoken louder and very clearly not my own thoughts, I discovered what verse it was from and that the Lord was speaking it over me again and again. Life giving doesn't even begin to describe what receiving this word felt like.

As I have walked through these last years, this verse has been my declaration regardless of what my eyes may see. The meaning of the words in this specific verse have come up in countless doctors visits and conversations confirming just how applicable this promise truly is with what my body is going through.

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."

Isaiah 58:8

Here is what I know - we can't lose hope. All of us at some point in our lives will go through seasons of waiting . Some longer than others. If you don't have expectant hope where you believe that things WILL change, it will hold you back from being all that God created you to be and will also keep you stuck in a place of despair.

Hope is rooted in the truth that God is working all things together for good regardless of what our earthly eyes may see. Hope leads to joy. Hope leads to strength. Hope shifts the atmosphere. Hope changes things. Choosing hope is a daily decision, but it makes all the difference. Yes, I'm still waiting... But I have expectant hope and I still believe with all my heart that my light will break forth and my healing will appear.

I'm walking this road out in faith and sharing pieces of what God places on my heart. Ultimately, the outcome is up to Him and Him alone. This is why we call it faith. It's not knowing what is ahead of you, but knowing who is in control of whatever is ahead of you. Faith is an act of will. It is a choice based on the unbreakable word of our Lord and Savior.

God has placed this deep-seeded faith in me that tells me that redemption and healing are coming. That I will see the promises He has given me fulfilled on this side of heaven. It makes no sense from an earthly perspective with how sick I still am, how much we have lost or how long the road looks from these earthly eyes. But Jesus. He continues to give us a reason to hope, because He who promised is faithful. Always.

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, and everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. "

Proverbs 3:5

Although I am unsure of what these next years will hold, I will continue to put my hope in my Heavenly Father and believe that my complete healing will break forth. I trust that He will continue to renew my strength to endure whatever is ahead. God has the power to change circumstances and seasons in our lives that seem impossible. I believe it even more today than I did seven years ago. From waiting to walking... At any moment God can choose to move.

Will you join me in praying for this next season and that it would bring about fulfillment of healing along with the promises our family has been standing on and praying into these last several years. We are so blessed to have access to the inner throne room of our Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ our Lord and we are humbled by all the people who continue to pray for our family. May God be the one who is glorified through it all. The most defining moment in a miracle is often in the middle where your faith is tested and challenged. The miracle is in believing - not seeing.

Amy<3

God is Still Writing

Sat, 31 Dec 2022 01:35:47 GMT

When you start to feel like things should have been better this year, remember the mountains and valleys that got you here. They are not accidents, and those moments weren't in vain. You are not the same. You have grown and you are growing. You are breathing, you are living, you are wrapped in endless, boundless grace. And things will get better. There is more to you than yesterday.

- Morgan Harper Nichols -

I’m so grateful to the Lord for 2022. So much goodness has taken place this year. So much to be thankful for. Breakthrough moments that I didn’t dare to fully dream would be possible last year around this time. So much God has done for me and my family. So. Many. Blessings. And yet, 2022 was still another year filled to the brim with heaviness and loss. Buckets of tears. The weight of our circumstances is harder to suppress. Living in an extended season of “not yet” is painful and hard. But God keeps breathing new strength, beautiful peace and immeasurable hope into my weary bones. The story of life is woven with both joy and pain.

When I look back over this past year, I want to remember how good God is. His faithful presence not just during my “decent” days, but more importantly, He was with me through every single moment - no matter how dark, lonely or painful. He was with me when I was at my worst. He was there with me during the days when no one seemed to understand. He was with me in the waiting, the struggling, the rejoicing and the breakthroughs. He was the one filling my days with endless grace. His faithful presence is so evident over the last twelve months. This is why I have faith that everything will one day be made right - because God is carrying me. He has never failed to show me His faithfulness regardless of the year or season I am walking through. He continues to remind me that my “not yet” doesn’t mean “not ever”.

In your own life, 2022 may have been filled with joy, pain or a mixture of both. God is writing a beautiful masterpiece called your life. All the chapters He includes are necessary. Sometimes the parts we wouldn't choose are the ones that bring the most depth and make the end result so very rich and beautiful as you see His hand woven throughout every moment. I’m choosing to see the painful parts of my story as something of value. Because I've dug into who God is, who He’s created me to be and where my hope is found, I’m able to face whatever this next year may hold.

“But those who hope in the Lord will find new strength.”

Isaiah 40:31

This time of year for many stirs up a surge of hope, inspiration and planning for the upcoming year and all that it may hold. But there are many who have a difficult time as the last days of the year approach. It is another reminder of a year once again ending without certain prayers being answered or dreams coming to life. Many longings unfulfilled. I recently read this quote by Pete Scazzero, “Jesus shows us what time is for. If I am harsh, rushed or anxious or impatient, I am doing time the world’s way, not God’s - even if I am doing it in His name.”

The past six years have been the hardest of my life - emotionally, spiritually and physically. My humanity often screams at me, telling me what I have lost, how much I’m behind and how long the road in front of me looks to my earthly eyes. While there might be some truth in these thoughts, my heart continues to cling to the fact that this valley has made me more compassionate, it has softened my heart, filled me with grace, thankfulness and a hope that can only come from Jesus. I am choosing to count the fruit as I continue to walk by faith and not by sight.

May we enter into this New Year trusting God and His faithful timing. Patience and waiting on the Lord is so foundational. God’s not in the rush and neither should we be. Time and waiting are important components for sharpening our discernment and the voice of God in our own lives. It allows us to hear Him more clearly. Continue to be still my friends as we enter 2023. Listen, grow and wait on the Lord as He writes this next year for you. Expect Him for the things you haven’t dared to dream about. Wait with hope for His promises to come alive in your life. Make a deliberate plan to be in His Word daily and pay attention to the keys He gives you during those moments. They are beautiful lifelines.

Faith is not knowing what is ahead of you,

but knowing who is in control of whatever may be ahead of you.

So while I’m praying and believing in God for healing in 2023 - my friends who are also struggling with a valley of their own, I want you to know that I see you. But more importantly, God sees you. He sees all that you have already walked through and where this next year will lead. May both of our hearts continue to trust that God’s will be done in our lives. That our story is His before it is ever ours. And even if it takes longer, we trust because God is faithful. He has proven it time and time again. And for Him, it is never about what our flesh and earthly desires want, or how long the valley may last. Instead it is more about who we become on the journey.

No matter where this end of the year finds you, I pray you can still surrender your deepest prayers and desires into the caring hands of our Heavenly Father. Focus on bringing your heart into alignment with His. He wants to give you a renewed vision and hope for 2023. Keep standing on His faithfulness and the promises He has spoken over your life - speak them forth into this upcoming year. With God, nothing is impossible.

Nothing you may be facing can keep His purpose for your life from being established. It’s never too late. Who knows what the first day of this new year may bring. Who knows how or when parts of your story will unfold. But God does. And He is more than faithful. Our part is to trust God and to be obedient in following the steps He guides us in.

"From beginning to end you are God"

Psalm 90:2

If God was faithful then, He will be faithful now. Make room in your heart for hope. Fill your mind with expectation that what is to come still holds the very best of His plan and purpose for your life. God has the final say over everything. Not one detail goes unnoticed. You can trust His timing. Hold your plans loosely and remain ready for God to step in at any moment. I can get up each day knowing that disease and pain are not the final word. I can live my life with purpose knowing that my Heavenly Father is good and His plan will prevail.

" Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves... That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

Romans 8: 26-28

In every season, we can stand firm on this truth: God has a plan. Whether we can hear His voice loud and clear or we're leaning into just a whisper, God is working and drawing us to Him and His will for our lives. 2023 is a new year, but our Heavenly Father’s promises are always the same and they are always good. God is still writing your story my friend - redemption isn’t just an idea, it’s a beautiful storyline woven through history.

Amy<3

Homemade Elderberry Syrup

Thu, 01 Dec 2022 23:20:04 GMT

A Natural Way To Boost Your Immune System

I started using elderberry syrup when my son was only a few years old during cold and flu season. It has since become one of my go-to remedies for my children during the cooler months here in Minnesota. The dried berries of the Sambucus nigra plant are naturally high in immune-boosting compounds that help with colds and flu. They have been used for centuries to promote good health because they are packed with vitamins and antioxidants. Elderberries can be used to make a variety of remedies, but my favorite is still elderberry syrup. I know it got a bad wrap during the beginning stages of the pandemic (even though it is fine to use for most people, clinical herbalists have attested to this fact), but rest assured it is one of the easiest home remedies to have on hand to boost your immune system!

Health Benefits of Elderberry Syrup

If anyone in your family has ever had a rough case of the common cold or flu, you will know how miserable it can be - especially when it hits our kids! Thankfully, nature provides us with remedies that can help us avoid these minor illnesses or at least shorten the duration if we do get sick. Research has also found this to be true with black elderberries! In fact, elderberry syrup has been shown to prevent against 10 strains of influenza! To put that in perspective, the flu vaccine is designed to protect against just a few strains. This homemade elderberry syrup is powerful and yet it tastes so good even kids will love it! Who wouldn't want to avoid getting sick or at least help speed up recovery time if someone in your family does come down with a cold or the flu. Elderberries can:

boost the immune system
fight and protect against bacterial infections
fight and protect against viral infections
reduce the symptoms and duration of a cold or the flu
help clear sinus infections
has natural diuretic effects and promotes bowel movements
has antimicrobial effects
anti-inflammatory properties
anti-carcinogenic properties
ease symptoms of allergies
high in antioxidants
high in vitamin A, B and C

How to Make Homemade Elderberry Syrup

I used to buy elderberry syrup from our local health food store, but then I realized how easy it was to make at home and that it was also significantly cheaper! Since becoming ill, my husband has taken over the task of making elderberry syrup for our family during the winter months. If you don't feel like making it yourself, you can always buy it online or at a health foods store. It is also available in capsule, gummies or tincture form. My recipe uses homemade elderberry concentrate blended with complimenting herbs like ginger and cinnamon. It also includes raw honey for an extra immune boost! This syrup is very easy to make and worth the effort for the money you will save!

I always use the basics of the recipe below, but change it slightly depending on what ingredients we currently have in our kitchen. I will sometimes use dried cinnamon rather than a cinnamon stick and instead of using dried ginger and whole cloves, I use ginger and clove essential oils or even just thieves essential oil. I store our elderberry syrup in a regular mouth pint size mason jar in our fridge and if stored correctly, it lasts around two months.

Ingredients

3 1/2 cups water
2/3 cup dried elderberries or 1 1/3 cups fresh/frozen elderberries
2 TBSP grated ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1 cup raw honey

*We purchase organic dried elderberries from Frontier Co-op, which you can also buy on Amazon.

Instructions

In a medium to large pot, bring the elderberries, water, cinnamon, cloves and ginger to a boil.
Uncover and reduce heat to a simmer for around 30 to 45 minutes or until the liquid is reduced by half.
Remove from heat and allow the liquid to cool.
Mash the berries carefully using the back of a wooden spoon or flat utensil.
Pour the liquid through a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth into a mason jar or bowl.
Discard the elderberries - I do not recommend using them again.
Once the liquid has cooled, add the cup of honey and mix well.
Pour into a mason jar or 16 ounce glass bottle with a lid.
Store in the fridge and take daily for immune boosting properties!

How to Take Elderberry Syrup

Add your homemade elderberry syrup to hot and cold beverages, smoothies, pour on top of oatmeal or pancakes. Mix into salads and salad dressings or just take straight from the spoon like our family does! Homemade elderberry syrup doesn’t become as thick as the store bought version because it uses less sugar and no preservatives or thickeners, so don’t be alarmed if your syrup has more of a liquid consistency.

I personally only take elderberry syrup a couple times a week as I found my body handles it best this way because I am so sensitive. My husband will take 1 TBSP daily and when my kids were younger they would take around 1/2 to 1 tsp during the week and take a break on the weekends. They now take 1 tsp daily with breaks every few weeks. If my kids do come down with something, I give them around 4 teaspoons a day until they are feeling better. Adjust these dosages to whatever you feel comfortable with for yourself and your family.

I don't want to pretend that taking elderberry syrup (or any other supplement) will make my kids never get sick. BUT why wouldn't I want to have them regularly consume a product that has a host of benefits for their bodies and also tastes really good? Would love to hear if your family uses elderberry syrup and if you make your own at home or if you try my recipe for the first time!

Amy<3

10 Things I'm Currently Loving

Tue, 22 Nov 2022 03:40:53 GMT

A Few Of My Favorite Things...

Strong in Battle: Why the Humble Will Prevail

Gold Bracelet - By Grace, Through Faith

Risewell - Mineral Toothpaste

GembaRed - Red Light Therapy

Crystal Quest Bath Ball Filter

XL Pill Organizer

Linen Journal - Strong Beautiful Brave Courageous

Instant Pot 6 qt. Programmable Pressure Cooker

Butcher Box - Meat Delivery Subscription

Young Living CBD Muscle Rub

Wounded Hands Can Still Hold Hope

Sat, 12 Nov 2022 01:53:05 GMT

God draws near to those who call on Him.

James 4:8

Sometimes the thing does break you.

Sometimes, the story doesn't begin with, "it almost broke me"

but that "it absolutely broke me".

Sometimes the goodness of God isn't that He held you together

but that you fell apart in His hands.

Sometimes, healing isn't patching the pieces of what's left back together.

Sometimes healing is remaining in remembering - that your being began with dust,

and the ashes can be a part of your becoming.

Wounded hands can still hold hope.

Charaia Callabrass

This. Such beautiful raw truth. Through my journey over these last several years, I have encountered and read stories of women who are beyond wounded and weary. They are broken, battered and lonely. I know I have been one of them and often I still am. The words from Charaia Callabrass could have come directly from the deep places of my heart.

Some of you have walked long, hard paths and are still deep in the trenches. All you can see are the ashes surrounding you as you are gasping to get air. Some have reached their long-awaited mountaintop finally able to take a breath and exhale, but you hardly recognize the person staring back at you. Others are in the middle with me where they see signs of breakthrough and a view of what they hope will be their mountaintop, but how will they manage to reach it with all the shattered pieces weighing them down. Wherever you may find yourself today my friend, you can rest knowing that God is at work renewing all things. Even the things that have broken every single part of you. He wants your wounded hands to hold His unshakable hope once again.

Last year around this time, my body started to rapidly shut down and there was a point over a few weeks where I didn't know if I would make it to Christmas. It felt like this illness had finally consumed almost everything inside of me. My soul felt so defeated and crushed. I had reached the lowest point in my entire life both physically and emotionally. It had finally broken me. The following verse became my cry when I felt like I just couldn't go on and all I could do was fall at the feet of my Savior and start declaring His life giving words over my weak and failing body. I have experienced the truth and power of these words, and so can you.

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted

And saves those who are crushed in spirit”

Psalm 34:18

We live in a broken world, with broken people, and broken stories. In those deep moments of falling apart, God still desires us to lift our hands and cry out to Him. Declare the goodness of the Lord over your life despite what you may see or how you may feel. Even in weakness and brokenness, you can speak the name of Jesus over your life and body. Fall at His feet and allow our Savior to breathe healing love into all those broken places and shattered dreams. There is no one who loves you like He does. Jesus weeps with us, the Spirit of God prays for us and our heavenly Father collects every single tear we cry and takes record of them. Nothing is lost when it comes to our Heavenly Father.

God never abandons us in the breaking. He never leaves. He never stops sustaining us. He never stops guiding our steps. He uses these valleys to draw us even closer to Him. No moment of your journey is wasted and in no moment of your journey are you ever alone. When the wounds and deep valleys of life threaten to take over and the brokenness seems utterly unfixable, we need to experience a fresh touch from our Heavenly Father. He wants to receive our wounds, embrace us with healing and then transform our loss and hopelessness. His desire is truly to give you hope and a future.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Psalm 147:3

The scripture says, “He heals,” meaning this healing is ongoing. It is not a one-time deal but rather a supernatural act that can occur over and over in our lives. God does not abandon us with our wounded hands and our broken stories. He steps into those places, heals what needs to be healed and gives us a fresh outpouring of hope that is grounded in Him. He wants to remind us that His power has no limits. Read that again. His power has no limits. None. He is mighty enough to heal our deepest broken pieces and most painful stories. Nothing is ever too far gone. Our pain is not beyond His amazing power. He is our Great Physician - able to reach in and restore and renew whatever may be wounded, shattered or lost. And somehow, even when hope seems almost lost and the brokenness seems too far gone, He will step in again and again and again.

The ashes can be part of your becoming my friend wherever you are in this journey God has you on. Jesus' hands were wounded and yet they held the most hope for this world. If you allow Him to put you back together, He can restore you to a newness you didn't think possible. God will use all of those scattered and broken pieces as a conduit for His grace and His hope. It may not come in a package that you had hoped for or the timing that you had wanted, but trust that it will come. Our Heavenly Father is good like that.

Just think, Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the Father interceding for you in this very moment. So tell Him what’s on your heart, give him all your broken pieces and then thank Him for lavishing His sufficient grace over you. I know my words will not lift any burdens or remove any pain, but I pray they will help to turn your gaze towards heaven and point you to Jesus who can help. Let Him fill you with hope again as you cling to the promises He has given. Our wounded hands, no matter how battered and bruised, can still hold His hope.

Amy<3

Suffering and Grace

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 21:06:10 GMT

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:10

This verse has breathed life into my weary soul more times than I can possibly say. If I look back over the hours that I've spent praying, weeping, wrestling, waiting and sometimes wailing with "why" - they would be far too many to count. I eventually came to a place where I had to release it at the foot of the cross because the weight and questions of it all were too much to carry.

These last several years are full of memories and stories I wish I could erase for myself and my family - moments full of extreme heartbreak, loss, helplessness, loneliness and fear. There are years where these were the type of moments we faced day in and day out with no end or relief in sight. They have all changed me. Every single part of me. They have changed my family.

With any valley, many of these changes have consisted of the aftermath from years of relentless trauma and suffering. But God. Because of His goodness, He has also used what we have gone through to refine our family in countless ways that I would never want to undo. I've been stripped and broken and extremely battered and bruised, but I have come to experience the overpowering truth that suffering can be a gift of God's grace in my life. It has opened my eyes to so many things I would have otherwise missed and has given me a greater revelation to the power and the presence of our Lord and Savior and His redemptive story on the cross.

Grace in this Valley

This is one reason why I started my Instagram account, Grace in this Valley many years ago. I had experienced early on in my illness that grace and suffering can hold beautiful space in your journey if you view them through the lens of the cross. I wanted to share this hope with others walking similar paths. There's something about having our worldly comforts and the life we had known stripped away that allows us to experience the depth of God's love for us in a way we might not have otherwise.

I don't like the storms I've had to walk through. They were and are still very dark and heavy. But without these storms, I wouldn't have been able to see just how real the faithfulness of God is. How He actually carries me when I can't handle it anymore. For that I am grateful and want to show others that He can do the same for them.

I want to recognize that these trials over the last six years are not gifts of grace in my life. Far from it. My sickness, my son's sickness, my daughters health struggles, our massive financial losses, the earthly things mold took from us and my children's pain are all part of the dark and heavy that I wish I could erase from my life. They are confirmation that we live in a very fallen world. Each one is painful, horrible and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But through the redemption of the cross, God provided a way to pour out His purpose, hope and perfect grace into these broken areas of our story. He can bring beauty from the ashes because of His sovereignty. He is able to use any valley season we may be in for our good and His glory.

Through my own valley, I have seen my prayers shift from asking for the things I would like to happen and trying to tell God what I think His plan should be to instead saying, " God, let Your name be glorified through this. May You use every part of my story no matter how dark and ugly to show Your goodness in my life. I trust You. I speak the blood of Jesus over my life and my little family. Lord, show us your glory. " Those are powerful words my friend. Our Heavenly Father already knows the deepest desires of our hearts. He created those desires and He longs for us to open our hands and let Him mold and refine us so He can use our suffering for His glory and His glory alone.

Trust an Unknown Future to a Known God

None of us know what tomorrow may bring, let alone what a year from now may hold. Each year I pray, declare and believe that mine would hold full healing, restoration and the redemptive story I know my Savior is writing. I take so much comfort that our Heavenly Father, who created the heavens and the earth, already knows the next chapters of my life. He sees all, knows all and is holding our future right in His hands. Corrie Ten Boom once said, " Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. " That includes not being afraid to trust our suffering with our Heavenly Father. There is purpose in everything He does. Suffering included.

The truth of God's trustworthy character is evident in every page of Scripture. We see evidence of this truth in His faithfulness to provide for the Israelites during their wilderness wanderings. We see it in the covenant promises God made and kept to Abraham, Moses and David. And there is one thing God did that outshines every other example of His trustworthy nature. He was faithful to keep the promise He made to Adam and Eve by crushing the head of the serpent. He sent His one and only Son to earth, to die on the cross for us. The death we should have died. Jesus reigns victorious. In Him, we can have victory.

Gifts of Grace

I know I will carry the scars of my suffering from these last six years for the rest of my life and my family will too. But thankfully, because of the Holy Spirit and His work in my life, these trials can be viewed as a gift of God's grace and my scars will be a reminder of all He has done for me. They have loosened my grip on this world and instead allowed me to cling tightly, somedays with a death grip, to my Savior and His life-sustaining promises and power. They have broken my heart for so many things I may have otherwise missed. Suffering is a part of this world and because of what the Bible says, we should expect it. But through these hard valleys, we can count on experiencing God's grace and renewal in ways we could never imagine as His strength daily carries us and holds us steady.

If you keep your eyes focused on God, stay tender to His still small voice, and hold loosely to the things of this world, you will see that there are gifts of grace to be found in the darkness of whatever you may be walking through. I promise you that they are there. Ask Him to open your eyes so you can see all that He is doing and where He is leading you. Our Heavenly Father wants to turn your suffering into a gift of grace where His name will be glorified.

Tethered to the hem of His robe with you,

Amy<3

My Favorite Essential Oils to Diffuse

Fri, 14 Oct 2022 21:14:24 GMT

10 Essential Oil Recipes For Your Diffuser

As someone who has severe multiple chemical sensitivities and Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, I have to be very careful of the chemicals, products and scents I am around and use on my body. Long gone are the days of burning a candle in our home or plugging in a toxic air freshener to mask unwanted scents or to help make a room smell amazing. I now rely fully on my essential oils and diffusers instead.

I initially started using essential oils years ago because my children were very young and I wanted to keep as many toxic chemicals and products out of our home. Essential oils made that possible. As the years have gone by, I have fallen more in love with all the ways essential oils have helped our family and provided cleaner and safer options. Even with my extreme mast cell issues, I am able to tolerate most of the oils that we have always known and loved!

There seems to be new essential oil companies popping up all the time. I am not here to pitch one oil company over another. I am just sharing pieces of my health journey and essential oils have been a large part of that journey. My family and I have been primarily using Young Living essential oils for over 11 years. I've been thrilled with the results of all the different oils and products we have used. I especially love the history of these oils and how many of them date all the way back to Bible times. They truly are amazing natural resources God gave us through His creation that we can use to treat ourselves or to help keep our bodies healthy.

If you are new to essential oils, there’s no better way to get to know them than through your diffuser. Try a few of my top favorite essential oil recipes for your diffuser below to get started! If you are interested in learning more about all the ways I use Young Living products or would like to order any oils directly through my website to help support our family with our accumulated medical expenses, you can click here .

General Guidelines:

The following blends are meant to be used in a cold-air diffuser. These diffusers usually require a small amount of water to be added, along with the oils. (Usually around 70 mL)
Follow the manufacturer's directions on your diffuser.
If you don’t have one of the oils called for in the recipes below, you can still try the recipe without it or have fun making up your own creations.

Before we get to my favorite blends, let me first say that my TOP oil to diffuse is Thieves . If you have walked through mold illness, thieves essential oil will become your best friend very quickly because mold absolutely hates thieves. So therefore, thieves is our favorite oil! We diffuse it throughout our home and in our SUV once a week. Look into all the immune benefits it can provide you both topically and through a diffuser. This little oil continues to amaze me. I also love to diffuse R.C. essential oil on its own to help support our lungs especially through the winter months.

1. Let’s Focus Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

This is a favorite combo, and for good reason! It’s perfect to help increase alertness, or when you need a quick pick-me-up. I also love adding 3 drops of peppermint essential oil to this combo to mix it up.

2 drops orange essential oil
2 drops rosemary essential oil
2 drops frankincense essential oil

2. Fresh and Clean Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

This essential oil diffuser blend is wonderful for creating a welcoming atmosphere in your home. It’s bright and fresh.

2 drops lavender essential oil
2 drops lemon essential oil
2 drops rosemary essential oil

3. Odor Eliminator Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

This blend helps to freshen up the air in no time. I will also just use 5 drops of my purification oil alone to help eliminate any unwanted scents.

2 drops lemon essential oil
1 drop melaleuca essential oil
1 drop lime essential oil

4. Out Like a Light Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

This is an amazing blend to help you fall asleep.

3 drops cedarwood essential oil
3 drops lavender essential oil
2 drop vetiver essential oil

5. Kids Sleepy Blend Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

My daughter loves to have this diffused in her room to help promote a restful sleep and relaxing night.

3 drops lavender essential oil
2 drops copaiba essential oil
1 drop roman chamomile essential oil

6. Kids Winter Immune Support Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

One of my kid's favorite blends for immune support all winter long.

3 drops thieves essential oil
2 drops citrus fresh essential oil

7. Mama's Winter Immune Support Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

I love diffusing this blend for myself to help support my immune system.

2 drops peppermint essential oil
2 drops thieves essential oil
1 drop frankincense essential oil

8. De-Stress Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

This blend will calm and de-stress everyone in your house.

2 drops lavender essential oil
2 drops bergamot essential oil
2 drops frankincense essential oil

9. Kids Emotional Control Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

Soothe emotions and calm the nervous system. This smells amazing!

3 drops orange essential oil
3 drops lavender essential oil

10. Uplifting Essential Oil Diffuser Recipe

This yummy citrus blend will brighten your day. This is summer in a diffuser to me.

5 drops lemon essential oil
3 drops lime essential oil
3 drops orange essential oil

I hope you try some of these essential oil diffuser recipes and find that you love them too! Let me say this again – I am not here to push you to Young Living, rather I am just sharing my journey and things I love. I am also NOT a certified aromatherapist. I have not taken any courses. I am once again just sharing from my own experience. I encourage you to do your own research to make the best choice for your family with the oils and mixes you use. I'm more than happy to personally help you get these oils into your home. Feel free to message me or click the link below to order directly through my website. If you purchase from this link , it will help support our family with our accumulated medical expenses.

Amy<3

All Things Dry Brushing

Thu, 29 Sep 2022 00:57:32 GMT

Are You Dry Brushing?

Dry brushing is something I actually started doing long before I became sick and housebound. It was one of the first ways I consistently helped to support detoxification in my body. Dry Brushing is a centuries-old method of exfoliating the skin and it provides wonderful benefits for our bodies. It has been touted as an effective way to increase circulation, slough off dry winter skin, accelerate detoxification and digestion, open pores to sweat easier and it even can supposedly help to combat stubborn cellulite. Your skin is actually the largest organ in your body, so it makes sense to give it some extra attention!

Benefits of Dry Brushing

Detoxification:

My personal favorite reason to dry brush everyday is because it helps with detoxification and removing toxins out of the body. It increases blood circulation and promotes lymph drainage. The lymph system is a major part of our immune system that is not talked about enough. This system flushes/filters out waste products and cellular debris from our body. It moves the waste and debris through our system with muscle contractions. Unlike our blood which gets moved by our heart pumping, we have to be the pump that moves our lymph fluid. Anytime you are jumping, moving or dry brushing, you are moving your lymph system and helping your body to detox!

Exfoliation:

Dry Brushing will slough off dead skin cells and help to unclog your pores. By unclogging pores, it will be easier for your body to sweat and eliminate toxins from your system. Removing dead skin cells can also help make your skin softer, smoother and more radiant. All things that are great, especially for winter months or when you are preparing for summer.

Stimulating the Nervous System

Dry brushing can make you feel good since it has the additional benefit of stimulating your nervous system. It stimulates nerve endings making it a great way to give yourself a little energy boost and wake up your senses. It can leave you feeling invigorated like you would after a massage and would be a great way to start your day.

How to Dry Brush

You can easily order a brush online or find one at your local health food store. Make sure you get one with natural fibers and a firmness that you can comfortably tolerate. I started with a soft one and now I only ever use a firm stiff-bristled style brush.
Ideally try to dry brush every day to see the difference it can make. I tend to dry brush right before I am about to take a bath or hop in my sauna. That way I can wash off the dead skin cells when I am done. It's also one of my favorite tools to help me sweat and move toxins out of my body easier while I am doing a sauna session.
Begin by making long and soft upwards strokes starting at neck and moving down your body. Always make sure your strokes are going towards your heart. To start, I brush the palms of my hands and feet to get my system ready and then I move on to my neck and chest, my arms, my torso (front and back) and my legs. For my stomach and torso area, I gently brush in a circular motion clockwise, which is the same direction toxins move out of your large intestine. It will help to keep everything moving correctly. Make sure to brush your underarms and up and down the sides of your body.
Repeat the strokes several times before moving on to the next area. I tend to always do five to seven upward strokes in one area. It is important to remember to always brush towards your heart.
Ideally wash the brush every few weeks. But let's be honest, mine has gone months at a time before I remember to wash it!

Please note: While dry brushing may not be right for every person, it is generally a very safe and easy way to take care of your skin and help to support your body. Please do not dry brush over broken or irritated skin. Those with extremely sensitive skin may not do well with brushes and should start with a washcloth.

Let me know if you have any questions or if you try dry brushing for the first time! I would love to hear from you!

Amy<3

10th Year Homeschooling

Thu, 08 Sep 2022 00:47:40 GMT

May God's Hand Be Upon This Year

Starting our 10th year of homeschool today! We have a 9th and 6th grader this year. I didn’t ever plan on homeschooling my kids. I actually used to say when I was younger that I never wanted to be a teacher. BUT God! He dropped this path into our laps all those years ago and I am so thankful we said yes and continue to take that step of faith each year.

Looking back, it is amazing how God knows all those little details of our hearts. Back when Mason was just a few weeks away from heading to Kindergarten, this Mama was having a hard time. I didn't want to give him up for 8 hours a day and lose the family unity we had. The days were already so incredibly short.

I had never even considered homeschooling, but we ended up selling the house we owned right by Mason's school and since we were building a new home that wouldn't be done until later that next year, we would have to rent a house about 30 minutes away. It didn't make sense to waste two hours a day driving Mason to and from school with his three year old sister having to tag-along. God gave me the gift of homeschooling as the answer.

We only planned on doing it for one year, but each year we just continue to fall more in love with all the benefits and God keeps confirming that this is the right path for our family. Here we are starting our 10th year already. I still can't believe how fast the years have gone and I cherish every moment I have with my kids.

One of the greatest things that has come out of homeschooling is that our children have such a close bond with each other and it keeps our family unit together. Mason and Ella are not only siblings, but they are also classmates, friends and companions. Even before I became a mother, it was always a prayer of mine that our family would have a tight bond and want to hang out with each other. It is such a blessing to see God answering that prayer.

I am also so very grateful Randy and I are in full control over what our kids are learning and we can lay a firm foundation in their life that is rooted in Jesus. It is an honor to teach my kids and I am grateful that despite everything, God continues to sustain me. We are praying God’s hand will be upon our school year. I am so proud of you Mason and Ella and I love you both so very much!

Amy<3

Still Here

Sun, 04 Sep 2022 01:32:36 GMT

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful

Hebrews 10:23

Hey friends! I’m still here, I just haven’t posted or been on any of my accounts much over the last year. Healing from something so isolating and foreign to most has not been easy. It has severely impacted almost every organ and system in my body and left no area of our families life untouched. Someday more words will be there.

I am just giving myself grace as I reopen my computer and these apps and tiptoe back into “life”. I don’t know what that will look like or how much I will share, as I am still very much in the middle of this story and in a season of just being still in the secret place. Last fall, I had to face that this earthly body was fading away fast, but God rescued me once again and provided a way towards healing. I turned a big corner earlier this year and God has been stirring in my heart to start using this platform again.

My world slowly stopped over 6 years ago and then it came to a screeching halt 3 years later while the rest of life around us just kept going - the reality of that is hard once it starts to sink in. Just know how grateful I am that so many of you continue to pray for our family. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!! I can’t say it enough. I am sure we don’t even realize the amount of prayer warriors we have interceding for our family! It is very humbling. Thanks also to those who are intentional, especially after all these years, about reaching out with encouragement, love and support. Those simple random acts carry so much weight. You will never know how much it means to not feel forgotten.

Even after six years, I am still contending and fully believing that God is healing me! We continue to see steady glimpses of it. Despite the circumstances around me, I still have HOPE. I have a deep certainty that this too shall pass. I know the character and heart of my Heavenly Father. That He is for me. That He is good. That there is a purpose in this valley which far outweighs all the pain and loss this long season has brought. My prayer since the beginning has been that God would use this for His glory alone. I continue to daily surrender it into His hands. He is faithful!

I look forward to connecting with all of you again!

Amy<3

Glimpses of Healing

Sat, 23 Jul 2022 01:19:48 GMT

God is Faithful

Glimpses of healing, small shifts and tolerating things outside that my body would have had no tolerance for last year. This was the first Fourth of July in years that I could be outside for part of the day to watch my kids swim. Yes- I still watched from afar but I was so grateful to hear them laughing with neighbor friends and have the sun melt away the pain in my body and to just be.

I think this is the first summer in over six years my body has let me "just be" for a few hours. What a gift it has been. I had to run inside later in the afternoon as grills started to be fired up and pre-fireworks started to go off around our little lake. If my mast cells could pick one thing they hate the most, it is anything to do with smoke and fire. My body has no tolerance for either and that has not let up yet, but I continue to believe that this too will eventually shift. I am still not moving much or able to be anywhere but home, but my body has shifted to loving hours of heat and sun. I also have more strength than I have in a long time.

The new medicine I have been on since December has been working small and consistent miracles in my body. I continue to be amazed that the Lord literally told me what I needed to do and it has so far brought me the furthest in healing that I have found in six years. I don't need to worry what next year is going to look like in regards to healing. My job is to follow and trust Him. When I truly rest in Jesus and let Him guide my path, there is always strength for today and hope for tomorrow. I've learned to embrace holding onto hope for healing with my palms open to heaven. I know that God can fully heal me even if the treatment stops working or I don't know what to do next.

The road is long, but God is ever so faithful. I continue to stand on His promises and so I know all of my tomorrows will be okay. He has never left me forsaken. He always protects. He always provides - not a minute late, nor a second too early. God's faithfulness never ends. What wonderful truth we can cling to even on the darkest of days.

Faith is a lens I look through to see that God has always been there, even if I don't see him or feel His presence. If God is for you, who can be against you. I know in my own life, I have more reasons to trust God than I do to doubt him. Keep believing that He is with you friend and at work in your life. His strength and faithfulness will see you through.

Amy<3

Chronic Illness is Hard

Sat, 09 Apr 2022 01:43:46 GMT

God empowered her with grit and tenacity through the power of the Holy Spirit to keep on going.

Words are hard lately - I fully blame the Neurological Lyme I’m taking down, but this world isn’t helping us sensitive souls either!! I wanted to say thank you for all the sweet messages and checking in on me. You guys are seriously the best! I just haven’t had the energy left most days to be very active on here or on any of my accounts. Seems to be a theme these last few years. Just know that my heart's desire is to be here connecting with you. One day that will happen consistently. This illness is just hard. No way to sugar coat it. The rollercoaster ride just never seems to end.

I am still fighting and declaring healing over this earthly body of mine. Jesus is so good to me. We don’t have all the answers, but He graciously keeps giving us His wisdom and confirmation when we need it. I have gone a bit rogue on my treatments the last several months and I am following His lead. We are seeing slow and steady little shifts that have brought me so much hope.

I continue to be the most stable that I have been since this illness started. I am also less reactive to certain things that would before send me into days or weeks of misery. My son is having larger shifts and we have found more answers to what my daughter is dealing with, which is what this Mama’s heart has needed!! Would love prayers that this would continue for us, otherwise we will be making drastic changes in our lives.

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

2 Corinthians 4:17

There truly is no one size fits all with healing as my body has proven time and time again. All I know is that my God is faithful. Always. Not once through these last six years of my sickness has He ever left me. Not even for a second. Even on the days I have questioned Him or was frustrated at the fact that He hadn't changed my situation or healed my son yet. He has been my steady and faithful rock.

Friends, impossible is where God starts. This is the story I will forever tell. Keep your faith and hope alive in Him and believe that God is working for your good. Whatever you may be struggling with right now, let your faith be greater than the circumstances surrounding you.

I can't wait to see how God continues to write my story. I want more than anything for others to see God's goodness and grace, His ability to restore and His extreme love for each one of us. I am so grateful for the hope I have in Jesus. It's what I cling to every single day. Just knowing that I am never alone in this battle and that God is using this valley to shape me into more of who I am in Christ keeps me fighting each new day. Now Minnesota just needs to stop snowing so Spring will actually arrive! This girl needs some good sun and grounding in the grass outside!

Amy<3

The Reality of Amy's Health

Thu, 24 Feb 2022 19:29:52 GMT

A Closer Look By Her Husband

Hello. This is Amy's husband, Randy. I get asked the question all the time, " How is Amy doing ?" What I could probably say each time is "She doesn't feel well, but her perseverance is strong". In reality her body is constantly battling something. It is hard to put into words what she has to deal with on a daily basis. At this point in her journey it is too much for her to fully look back and go into detail about all she has been through. And honestly, she doesn't focus on the hard things for long. She has always been this way, which has been a blessing. One day she will tell her full story. Right now you will find bits and pieces of it within the words she writes.

I went to look for some photos to show hard days, but we only have a handful. Even after all the procedures, appointments, emergency room visits, tests and therapies she has had over the last six years, we have very little documented. We have no photo or video that shows the seizures or bell's palsy from Lyme attacking her brain and nervous system that used to be a daily occurrence. So many days were giant struggles to even achieve comfort or stabilize her body that using a camera to capture even the good escaped us. I wish we had more photos and videos because they would show just how far she has come and how debilitating these diseases are.

My wife is focused on doing all she can do to get healthy and trusting that God will use it and He will do the rest. She never expected this sickness to last this long or become this severe and she doesn't expect to be sick next year at this time. I am thankful for her sound mind and strong spirit.

Amy currently has been diagnosed with Chronic Neurological Advanced Late Stage Lyme disease and most of the co-infections that come with it along with having CIRS (mold/biotoxin illness), Mast Cell Activation Syndrome and Dysautonomia / POTS. Just one of these as a standalone illness is life altering. Her current worst Lyme co-infections that we know of are Babesia and Bartonella. Her body can’t tolerate certain types of mold and its byproduct mycotoxins at all. It completely shuts her body down. This is not an allergy! It's more like being poisoned where her body cannot remove the toxins. Additionally, she shares many symptoms of people who deal with MS, Parkinson’s Disease and ALS because of how Lyme Disease has damaged and attacked her nervous system and brain. I am sure she could have a page full of diagnosis if we wanted to pursue them. Her list of symptoms that she deals with regularly is extremely long and they rotate and change frequently. It’s horrible as she deals with things that many diseases would only bring on near death.

Amy has an enormous story to tell. She could write a book and I pray she does one day. Six years ago she experienced symptoms that Mayo Clinic diagnosed as POTS and Dysautonomia. It is very true she has these and deals with most of the things that Google will bring up for symptoms, but this diagnosis didn’t explain a lot. It had a lot of holes as she continued to decline in health and with what her body could handle.

About four years ago she was diagnosed with CIRS (Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome). CIRS is also known as mold illness and is triggered by exposure to biotoxins. Gene tests show that Amy has a gene that makes it very hard for her body to detox the toxins mold gives off. Looking back, we believe that the previous house we lived in may have had a mold problem as Amy’s health began to deteriorate when we lived there but we didn't connect the dots until recently. When she was diagnosed with CIRS we put extra effort into identifying any mold that could possibly be in our new home. We did find a couple of issues that would not be good for anyone with a susceptibility to mold illness. We had those issues professionally remediated by a company that specializes in CIRS. We had to get rid of most of our belongings that had been in our other house because we also learned that dead mycotoxins that mold gives off are actually worse than live mold for Amy. It imbeds itself into all of your belongings making them nearly impossible to clean and one of the reasons she was constantly reacting to things in our home. Sadly, most homes and buildings have a level of mold and mycotoxins that is just too high for Amy to handle. It is not uncommon for CIRS victims to go to extremes such as living outside in a tent for a year or two while trying to heal as the foundational protocol for mold sickness is to avoid toxic molds.

Two years ago Amy was diagnosed with Chronic Neurological Lyme disease that is late stage. Lyme disease and CIRS often go together because they mess with the same detox pathways in your body. Lyme can live dormant in your body for many years and then when your body and immune system are stressed by mold the Lyme comes roaring to life. And likewise, Lyme can bring a high sensitivity to mold. A little over six weeks before Amy’s sickness began on January 9, 2016 we were in Florida where Amy got a bunch of strange bites that lasted for weeks after we got home. It’s possible this is where she got the Lyme that attacked her nervous system and activated things that were already hiding in her body. We will never know the sequence of causations.

Mast Cell Activation syndrome also goes hand-in-hand with all of her diagnoses and is nothing like an allergy. She gets near anaphylactic so often and we don’t always know the reason. She can even just react to detoxing too fast or killing Lyme too quickly. Currently she can only tolerate 15 foods including water and salt. Mast cell is utterly debilitating and scary to live with as you constantly play Russian roulette with everything you put in your mouth, on your skin or breathe in. And yes - she has done DNRS and a similar brain retraining program.

She has found it to be really hard to share symptoms with those she knows as many don't believe or even acknowledge much of what she is going through. The sad truth about these diseases is that they are so often misdiagnosed, misunderstood, undermined, and thought of as psychological problems. As her husband, I have had to guard my mind and ears from these thoughts. We’ve tried to be really careful about what is spoken over the situation. We know this is a very real thing. Very real and very sad. I’ve read many stories of similar journeys online and we know many who are dealing with the same enormous challenges as this sickness impacts a lot more than just your health. It’s a lonely world as these people are so often treated as outcasts and are forgotten. God has given us a passion to love them and minister to them.

Amy is determined to see herself as healed and not to reflect on the trauma of the past seven years. She spends each day not focusing on symptoms but rather on what her body is doing for her and the wins she had that day.

-Randy

Merry Christmas

Sun, 26 Dec 2021 03:10:29 GMT

The Weary World Rejoices

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

God is good. Always. Every moment. Everyday. Every year. I'm especially thankful for His faithfulness throughout this past year. I honestly wasn't sure if I would be here to celebrate Christmas with my family because of how fast my body was shutting down this past fall. It makes today even more special because I am surrounded by my little family, I am the most stable I have been in years and I have such a deep hope for what my Heavenly Father is doing in my body. He has poured out His wisdom and given me a way where there seemed to be no way.

I recently read an article that referenced how the first Christmas story reminds us that the miracles we pray for rarely come through the methods we anticipate. Just because we don't understand the process doesn't mean there's no explanation or purpose. Isn't it just like God to accomplish his miracles through the messy, the unpredictable and the misunderstood? Such amazing hope to cling to this next year. As I keep walking this healing story out, I am excited to one day share with you more of what God has done.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Keep believing my friends. Keep trusting that God is working all things together for your good and His glory. Wait for hope to appear. It always always does when our Heavenly Father is involved. May you have a truly blessed Christmas!

Amy<3

Suffering Doesn't Have The Final Say

Wed, 15 Dec 2021 16:41:23 GMT

Oh Babesia...

How I feel about Babesia... And how my brain feels about treating Babesia! It sure doesn’t like going down without a fight. I've also been finding that Babesia and Bartonella like to wage war against each other, so when you treat one, you need to be trying to knock the other one down at the same time. Such an endless cycle it seems. I am sorry I have been so absent here, but all my energy has been spent homeschooling and fighting these evil diseases in me. Still in the midst of it, but I finally feel like my head may be above water for the first time in many months. I look forward to the day when I can schedule posting on here and actually be able to accomplish it.

The air hunger that comes with my Babesia is horrible. Those first few years of my illness, we didn't know why I was never able to fully breathe or feel like I had enough air. It would come in waves but would never leave and was one of the first reasons I ended up in the ER the night my body crashed for the first time. It was initially blamed on asthma, and then my Dysautonomia and POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). Even Mayo Clinic had no clue how to treat me the multiple times I ended up in their ER after being diagnosed with POTS through one of their Doctors. When mold came into the picture, my lack of air was blamed fully on the mold and mycoplasma and then later on Mast Cell Activation Syndrome and now finally Babesia with a side of all the other things. All I know is that I just want to breathe!

For my body, normal asthma treatments would only heighten and worsen the already scary symptoms. So for years I have gone with very little relief except for the herbal treatments my angel of a Naturopath would provide for me and the special chiropractic adjustments that would reset both my body and my nervous system and open up my lungs. I have found a huge difference in mold asthma and Babesia air hunger. And when you have both together and then add mast cells issues on top of everything... It is just heartbreaking.

Through all the ups and downs I am just grateful that we have a better idea of what we are needing to actually treat in my body to get to the source of my issues. And yes, I am more than confident that there is a root to all of these things that my body is having to fight. There is always a root. By God's grace and wisdom, we will find it.

This morning I was reading a post from Amy Kratzer on Instagram and her words hit deep into my soul. I wanted to share them as I feel God's heart for you and for me shines through what she posted. His heart for suffering, for grace and for healing. Let it be an encouragement for you today.

Your suffering does not have the final say.

Honest lament is the soil in which your pain

and struggles can sprout new life. By God's

grace, a garden will grow in sufferings place.

He'll meet you in your valleys and stormiest of days.

He'll give you a new song,

an anthem to grab onto, leading you into the

joy of a new morning.

Look up for the breaking of the clouds

daughter of Zion, hope is rising,

breakthrough is on its way!

Amen. Suffering is not the end - I believe it can be the beginning of a beautiful story God is writing. Yes, suffering is horrible and shows just how much of a fallen world we live in. Grieve your sorrows and suffering. I know Jesus does. Find comfort knowing that our Heavenly Father is right there with you catching every tear. Even when others are not. But just know that our Savior is already standing in all of our tomorrows. We don't have to be fearful about what next week or next month may hold. God has already gone ahead of us. Let this be a reminder that you are not alone and God has so much more in store for your life. More healing, more grace, more joy, more living and YES more hope. He is able.

Amy<3

Sleepless Night Thoughts

Sat, 25 Sep 2021 20:28:02 GMT

Faith overFear

I often have sleepless nights. It seems my body just runs on auto-pilot mode and no amount of sleep or lack thereof changes anything. It can be very frustrating because the suffering has no end. It is around the clock with no break or reprieve - literally. An endless horrible cycle that can easily wear someone down. I decided early on when I became sick that I would not let Satan have any joy or satisfaction in my sleepless nights. Instead I would use those nights to wage war even more through prayer over my health, my family, our finances, friends going through similar valleys and anything that God may bring to mind.

I sometimes wonder if I would just choose to be angry or upset instead, maybe I would get more sleep. I continue to keep believing that there is a greater purpose in my sleepless nights than just suffering and missing out on all the healing benefits which sleep brings. If God wants me up, then I will do it with as joyful of heart as I can muster and trust that He is moving. Even on the hardest nights where the suffering, air hunger and pain makes it almost impossible to think. On those nights, I just speak Jesus over everything again, and again, and again. He alone is enough and is my strength to make it through whatever those long nights may bring.

Here are the reminders currently running through my head in these wee morning hours after being up all night. Oddly these early morning hours have become a treasured gift to see the world awaken with my Jesus holding me. The reminders He gives me are always different and just run together in a fuzzy manner, but they are always the truths I need to be reminded of as I press into Him and keep fighting for another day. These moments bring such comfort to this weary soul. I love how the Holy Spirit breathes over me exactly what I need to hear in that moment.

I sought you Lord, and you answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

I know you are working all things together for my good, Heavenly Father and that you will keep me in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because I trust in you.

Help me to be still and know that you are God.

Great is you faithfulness Jesus.

For nothing will be impossible with You.

Your blood speaks a better word over my life and my body.

Let your steadfast love, oh Lord, be upon me, even as I hope in you.

And on and on and on the reminders go until someone in my family wakes up to start the day with me. What reminders has God been breathing over you lately? I would love to hear them. Please let me know if you need prayer for anything as I hope God will use my sleepless nights for His glory.

Amy<3

God Is For You

Thu, 16 Sep 2021 20:58:30 GMT

God is for you, even when the world seems to be against you. He is near even when you feel abandoned. He sees your hurt and hears your heart, even when words escape you. His faithfulness isn't circumstantial and His love is irrevocable. He is good. Always. You are not forsaken.

- hertrueworth -

I felt so strongly tonight that someone needed this reminder. Read the sentences above again slowly out loud and let them soak into your very core. You may feel lost right now, but know that God has never lost sight of you. He is with you - always. Regardless of what darkness or valley may currently surround you. He will not abandon you. You are loved beyond anything you could comprehend by a Father who sent His only Son to this earth to die for YOU... Because you were worth it. You are worth it and you are never alone.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

When we face difficulties in our life, we can so often only see what is right in front of us. It's hard to comprehend or imagine a season different from the one we are currently standing in. In those moments, our minds and broken hearts cannot conceive the possibility of beauty or goodness coming from the ashes that are surrounding us. And yet, God promises us in Ecclesiastes 3:11 that " He makes everything beautiful in its time."

God can make beauty from the ashes. He can invade even the most difficult situations and valleys with His unstoppable hope. He removes our fears and breathes renewal, restoration, hope and His never-failing compassion into our lives and our stories. God is at work restoring all things. He is able!

Those of you who are reading this and are in your own battle of darkness - keep reminding yourself that you are seen, you are loved and you have not been forgotten. There is always hope when Jesus is involved. Let Him speak His truth over you tonight.

"There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling short changed. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"

Romans 5:3-5

Please rea ch out if you need a friend to pray for you. You are loved.

Amy<3

Peace Be Still

Tue, 31 Aug 2021 21:33:08 GMT

I will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast because he trusts and takes refuge in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Peace Be Still. This simple three word phrase has so much weight and power. So much. Jesus' words remain just as powerful today as they were when He commanded the wind and the waves. And though they were spoken with great authority, they are some of the most calming and comforting words we can ever hear.

The storm around us may not die but the storm inside of us can. God is calling us to have faith greater than our fears, to turn our focus away from the size of the waves around us to the power of the One who can still the storm. Take a deep breath. The storm around you is very real, but you can have faith in the One who is present with you in the boat and has the power to calm anything that may feel all consuming in your own life. He is your stronghold, your high tower, your deliverer, your defender and your shelter.

The song below has encouraged and spoken so deeply to my heart on some of my hardest and darkest days. Praying it speaks to someone who needs them today. The whole song is truly worth a listen. Praying His peace would surround and cover you in this very moment.

Peace Be Still

by: Hope Darst

I don't want to be afraid
Every time I face the waves
I don't want to be afraid
I don't want to fear the storm
Just because I hear it roar
I don't want to fear the storm

Peace be still
Say the word and I will
Set my feet upon the sea
Till I'm dancing in the deep
Peace be still
You are here so it is well
Even when my eyes can't see
I will trust the voice that speaks
Peace, peace over me

You speak peace

I'm not gonna be afraid
'Cause these waves are only waves
I'm not gonna be afraid
I'm not gonna fear the storm
You are greater than it's roar
I'm not gonna fear the storm

Let faith rise up
Oh heart believe
Let faith rise up in me

I hear You speaking
Peace, peace over me
Oh, peace
Over me
You speak peace

It’s your promise

Peace to my heart
Peace to my mind
Peace to the whispers of the enemies lies
You bring peace to my soul
Peace to my emotions
Peace to every fear
Let them drown in the ocean of your peace

You speak peace

Amy<3

God I'm Frustrated... But I Trust You

Fri, 05 Mar 2021 16:19:42 GMT

God has the power to redeem what we consider unredeemable. To heal what we consider fatally wounded. To make our worst chapters our greatest victories.

Sharon Jaynes

God I'm frustrated... But I trust you. This sums up my last couple months. Real open and honest conversations with my heavenly Father that despite what is said, they always seem to end with “ I trust you ... Even when I can’t see why or what your plan is, I know that you are good. Your plan is for good. You know that I am frustrated about so many things. This thing called life is harder than I ever imagined. But, Your promises still stand. You have always been faithful to me and I can still trust my everything with You. Here are my open shaking hands Lord. My life and my future are Yours. Lord, glorify Your name."

I have missed connecting with so many of you here, but I needed to take some time to just be still. Disconnecting from everything was a big part of that. Thank you for all of the messages and prayers. Between all that is going on in this country, my health and my family's health declining again from the harsh Minnesota winters, along with leftover C-Virus symptoms, I needed to just step away from everything and focus on Jesus and healing. I should probably say "sit away" since I still don’t move much.

During that time, God took our 32 year old sister-in-law to heaven after fighting breast cancer which opened a bunch of fears for myself and my children, along with the hard realities of life. My heart just breaks for the earthly loss of this wonderful woman and the two little girls and husband she left behind. I am reminded that God must have needed her more in Heaven than we did here on this earth. Thankfully I will see her again one day with a perfect body and no more suffering. Grief is hard when you are already grieving so much.

This life is not what we expected and living with an array of chronic illnesses that so many don’t understand makes it even harder. Very few people in our world get what so many of us in these valleys face everyday. That came flooding back along with a lot of trauma as we were not able to be at the funeral and continue to miss out on life. I have said so often to my husband that over these last few years, I feel like I myself have died to many who were previously in my life. People have become accustomed to our family not being around. Gradually we have become irrelevant and almost disappeared not just from society, but from our own life.

There is so much h a r d as we walk through these lonely valleys. Things that I don't have the ability to even process yet because my body is not ready. Despite it all, I know God can and will bring beauty from these ashes that are surrounding me. He will restore and redeem what the enemy meant for evil. He has a plan and a purpose for everything. I am praising Him for the gains I have seen in my body as I continue to trust and stand on what He has spoken over my own life and my family. Even when I can’t see it, I know He is right there in the thick of it with me and my puddle of tears and frustration. He is right there with you too, friend.

I would encourage you to write down the powerful reminder at the top of this post that is written by Sharone Jaynes. Put it somewhere where you can see it daily. Hold fast to these truths. " God has the power to redeem what we consider unredeemable. To heal what we consider fatally wounded. To make our worst chapters our greatest victories. " Yes! God can and He will. Keep trusting Him. Just know that I am back on my accounts, so please reach out if you need a virtual hug, someone to pray for you or just a listening ear. You are loved and seen - tears, frustration and all.

Amy<3

Thoughts From My Mama Heart

Fri, 20 Nov 2020 19:26:40 GMT

God is doing something wonderful in our children through this, not in spite of this.

This one makes everything in my world better with just her smile. My sweet Ella. We are currently waiting for my Functional Neurologist to call us in for my appointment. How many hours do we spend like this? Sadly, too many to count. I try not to mess with packed waiting rooms that love to trigger mast cell and histamine issues, overstimulate my nervous system and zap my limited energy away. I haven't been able to sit up straight in a chair in years. I need my legs propped up in some fashion and to recline my body a little in hopes that I can breathe easier and not have my symptoms flare. So we wait here in our SUV and try to make the best of all the appointments that my little love tags along to. She rarely complains and just wants her Mama to get better. I am so blessed by her smile and her heart.

The compassion both my children show me when it would be easier to express disappointment, impatience and frustration is such an encouragement and testimony to God's grace over their hearts. Both so often try to find ways to help me feel better and bring a smile to my day. The way this illness impacts my children is what breaks my heart the most. They have been forced to grow up so fast. I can handle the pain, I can handle the rejection, I can handle the unknowns and all the losses. But when it touches my babies so deeply, it just hits harder.

They have had to give up so much and both have had their own health impacts from mold and Lyme. The tears in my daughter's eyes when she had to toss all of her favorite stuffed animals from our old house nearly broke me. We are all still sleeping on mattresses on our sub-floor since we ripped out all of our carpet and my kid's find it fun. It makes the losses easier. They joke that we are camping in our own house! Both hold very loosely to their worldly items.

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

2 Corinthans 4:17

If you are a Mama in a valley, I am sure you understand. Mama guilt hits harder in these deep extended valley seasons full of loss. Not at all how we envisioned this life. As a Mom, we don't want our babies to suffer or go through hardships. But that's not realistic. We live in a fallen world where trials are a part of life. As much as I wish they wouldn't have this be part of their story... I can see first hand already how God is using it to build their character. They are incredible humans - full of joy, grit, hope, compassion and resiliency. God has used pain and suffering to teach them things that mountain tops never would. He's shown them how to fight with faith when the hard seasons come.

I am believing God will redeem the years this sickness has stolen from us. He is producing something far greater in my kid's lives than what my illness and our losses have taken. Maybe my chronic illness is not so much a deterrent to my children's happiness as it is a source of God's sanctifying work in their life for future blessings and joy. Maybe my struggles are not just a hindrance, but instead the path God has chosen to help my children have eyes to see those around them that are hurting, lonely and struggling. I know nothing is wasted with God. He is writing a beautiful story.

Amy<3

She Distanced Herself to Save Herself

Sun, 29 Mar 2020 00:49:31 GMT

Joy Comes In The Morning

Psalm 30:5

I try to keep these pages more glass half full focused with a touch of the hard, but I am still trying to even process and recover from one of the worst nights of my life a couple weeks ago. I debated posting anything, but this can be a very real and heart breaking part of this journey that needs to be acknowledged and spoken about more openly. I know I'm not alone as so many others have shared with me similar parts of their stories and the heartbreak that comes with it.

Deep trauma occurred over myself and my children from the actions, words and lack of respect from many who are close to us. This is not a place where I will ever name names, but what happened felt like I was in a sci-fi movie and they were going to either lock me up or take me away in a straight jacket. There are so many layers to this story that I cannot share, but people would literally not leave my house that night. I was already struggling from multiple mold exposures earlier that day and every person who walked into my home unwelcomed knew that I would react to them - yet they stayed and had no respect for me or the boundaries my illness has placed on my life. I was once again reminded how unseen my world really is as I was treated like an outcast in my own home and made to feel invisible in my severe suffering.

The saddest part is that my 12 year old son experienced the worst of it emotionally by those he respected and looked up to. It is heartbreaking. So many lines were crossed that night. This illness is already too much for me to handle most days, let alone the mold aspects of losing most of our belongings and now this. I have learned even more how strong my intuition is and many things were confirmed that I didn't want to realize were sadly true. They are now at a point where I can't ignore them. Praise God that His still small voice can always be trusted. Always.

Boundaries Are Healthy

I won't go into details but the CIRS, severe Mast Cell Activation Syndrome and late stage chronic neurological Lyme Disease is a combo that few will fully believe or will ever understand unless they have walked a similar road. I get that and I don't expect anyone to. But, I will not tolerate gaslighting. My son witnessed first hand what has been happening to me subtly over the last four years from countless people. Doctors included. It has become a lonely journey and one that seems to get lonelier. I vowed to both my children after that night that I will do everything I can to protect them from ever having to witness something like it again. Boundaries are healthy, sacred, biblical and we need to have them be even tighter in our life going forward if I want to heal, have a stable family and emotional health. My limited energy does not need to be consumed by these types of things any longer.

Please pray for my kids precious hearts and also that God would heal and give me back my joy. In four years on this journey, God has given me His supernatural joy every single day despite all we have gone through, but lately I am having trouble finding it. I know it is still there and I know I will find it again by His grace alone.

It can be incredibly painful when the people in your life don't believe your symptoms, try to minimize what you are going through or treat you like it is all in your head. It can feel like the ultimate betrayal. This journey is very hard to understand and so lonely when you are in the thick of it. I am extra grateful today for friends who get it, believe you and are walking similar roads along with Doctors who will keep advocating for your healing. They are all beautiful treasures in my life.

In time, what the enemy meant for evil, I know God will use for good, but right now enough is enough. For now I need to distance myself to help save myself and keep our family together. I need to dwell in the secret place with my Heavenly Father. He is my hiding place and He will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. It is there I know my joy will be found again.

God's Not Done Yet

I have been studying more about the armor of God lately along with learning even more about the spiritual weapons I have, who the real enemy is and how to claim what is rightfully mine. This verse keeps coming to mind these last few weeks.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over their present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the Heavenly places."

Ephesians 6:12

Reminding myself again that the battle in front of me is being fought in a realm unseen and our enemies are not the people we know, or those that hurt us or abandon us in our valley. Instead we are at war against Satan and the unseen forces of evil. This foe, who scripture calls a serpent purposefully divides, demeans and discourages anyone who puts their hope in the Lord and dares to believe that God is redeeming and restoring all that he tried to destroy.

Let your roots go down deep my friend and choose to draw your strength from the unseen. Every broken part of my story and your story has a chance for revival. I believe that with all my heart. God's NOT done yet.

Joy will come in the morning.

Amy<3

Psalm 91

Thu, 12 Mar 2020 18:38:28 GMT

My God, In Whom I Trust

Some battles God has called you to fight and others He asks that we lay completely down at His feet. Choosing to fill my soul with scriptures today instead of the growing fear that is consuming our world. Yes, He is my God and I trust Him.

I am reminded even more today that this world is not our home. Psalm 91 has always been one of my favorites - even more so now. We declare this chapter over our family every night before bed. May we allow God to saturate every corner of our hearts, minds and homes today. Trust Him to make light out of the darkness.

Join me as we declare these truths over our lives and our country today.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will remain secure and rest in the shadow of the Almighty [whose power no enemy can withstand]. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust [with great confidence, and on whom I rely]!” For He will save you from the trap of the fowler, and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you and completely protect you with His pinions, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and a wall. You will not be afraid of the terror of night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor of the destruction (sudden death) that lays waste at noon. A thousand may fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand, but danger will not come near you. You will only [be a spectator as you] look on with your eyes and witness the [divine] repayment of the wicked [as you watch safely from the shelter of the Most High]. Because you have made the Lord, [who is] my refuge, even the Most High, your dwelling place, no evil will befall you, nor will any plague come near your tent. For He will command His angels in regard to you, to protect and defend and guard you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. They will lift you up in their hands, so that you do not [even] strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and cobra; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot. “Because he set his love on Me, therefore I will save him; I will set him [securely] on high, because he knows My name [he confidently trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never abandon him, no, never]. “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. “With a long life I will satisfy him and I will let him see My salvation.”

Amy<3

My Future Is In God's Hands

Mon, 09 Mar 2020 19:11:10 GMT

So why would I fear the future? For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.

Psalm 23:6

So many unknowns. So many unanswered questions with no easy answers. I'm extra grateful today that the one who holds all of our tomorrows is holding us. The hardest part about suffering silently is that you don't know when it will end. You wake up everyday thinking " maybe this will be the day my healing will manifest in my body." Or you plead " please help me God, I don't have enough strength or desire left to get through another day of this pain."

People often assume that the worst part of these extended valley seasons of illness is having to withstand the physical pain. That is not my primary struggle. I often struggle with the disappointment, being misunderstood and just not knowing how long this suffering is going to continue or how much deeper the valley is going to go. The unpredictability is so hard.

Chronic illness is a very lonely place to be and when you add all that Mast Cell Activation Syndrome takes from my life, the road gets even lonelier. I have cried more tears over the isolation and loneliness than over any physical symptom. I've suffered, but God continues to pull me close and His grace in my life has proven to be more than enough.

The Gift Of Friends

I have been blessed with many close friends on this journey that I have never "met" face to face, yet they know my heart better than many that were in my own life before my sickness. God has been putting people in my story who do understand my valley and my loneliness without having to ever explain anything. God is so personal in showing us His love and grace. He won't just leave us in our disappointments or where we are.

These friendships are some of the greatest gifts God has given me in this season, but not one of these sweet ladies has the same story that I am walking through or even the same set of daily symptoms. I still often wish that I could find someone who has gone through exactly what I am going through and fully believed everything I was saying. Someone who could give me an exact path to follow. As of today, not one person on this earth knows exactly what I am going through or understands me completely. Trust me, I keep looking and asking and hoping. Even my husband who witnesses everything day in and day out is not that person.

My God Sees Me

Through this, I am reminded that there is someone who does know me and He created me in His perfect image. He is my Heavenly Father, the one true God who knit me together in my mother's womb all those years ago. He has seen everything over these last few years. He knows my thoughts and sees every single tear that falls in the middle of the night. Though I don't always feel His presence, I know this to be true because of my faith.

I will continue to walk in faith even though I can't see what the future holds. I know who holds my future and He is trustworthy. I can look back and see how His hand has steadily guided all my days and I know He will continue to do so. God is faithful. He'll fulfill every promise He's made to me. There is no mountain He cannot move. I choose to focus on my unshakeable God instead of the chaos, questions and isolation that can overwhelm my days.

I know so many of you who are currently facing similar situations. Just know that you aren't alone because some days it can sure feel like it. I see you and I am here for you and our LORD sees every single moment. He has a plan to redeem your story and use it for His glory. Keep believing with me!

Amy<3

Oily Life

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 20:05:59 GMT

Essential Oils

Might as well just roll this one on everything today. Anyone else love their Deep Relief essential oil roller to help with aches and pains? This is one oil I will never be without and is one that I seem to use daily. It is such a powerhouse! Grateful for all the ways these little bottles of oil can help me!

I started using essential oils back when my daughter was just born. It was around the same time that many of my health issues started to slowly become more than just a "pesky" stomach ache or a weird pain that wouldn't go away. My neighbor at the time actually invited me to a party she was having where someone was going to be sharing about Young Living oils. She knew I had just recently been in the ER with severe ice pick stomach pain and the Doctors had found nothing wrong with all the testing they did. Oh if I had only known back then what I do now... I am just grateful that she reached out and invited me that night to learn all about the power of what these oils God has given us can do.

I have found so much relief from my Lyme symptoms with their healing properties. It has been one of the constant tools in my toolbox to help support my kid's health especially during winter months. When mold came into our story, Thieves became my go-to oil. Mold and Thieves absolutely hate each other. I like that!

There is a reason God put these plants on this earth! My world became so much less toxic all those years ago because of the change I made that night. I decided to join Young Living Essential Oils for my own good. There are a lot of great oil brands available, but it is very important to know what grade of oil you are buying and how the company is processing it. That is why I went with Young Living. They have one of the highest grade and purity oil lines available.

I haven't ever gone out of my way to sell these oils or build a team, but if you're interested in learning more about Young Living Essential oils, please feel free to message me. Below is the link to my personal website where you can purchase any product if you are interested. It will also help to support our family with accumulated medical debt. Wholesale is the cheapest way to go, but you will need to buy a starter kit and create a loyalty order. If you choose to sign up as wholesale you will save 24% off your order along with any future orders and I would love to send you a free vitality oil to help grow your collection! Visit the site here .

Below I am sharing two of my favorite blends that I make at home and put in a 10ml roller to have on hand all the time. I will never be without one of these! I actually make a few bottles at a time so I can also keep one in my purse to use after I leave my Doctor appointments. We often will roll the Immunity Blend on our kid's spines and the bottoms of their feet at bedtime, especially during the winter months of cold and flu season. The Liver Support is one I use daily while detoxing from Lyme to help support my liver function. I will roll it directly on my liver and along the vita-flex liver points on the bottoms of my feet.

Immunity Blend

10 drops Thieves oil

10 drops Lemon oil

5 drops Oregano oil

5 drops Frankincense

3 drops Peppermint Oil

Fill the remaining 10 ml roller with a carrier oil

*Jojoba is my absolute favorite carrier oil

Liver Support

15 drops Juvaflex oil

10 drops Release oil

Fill the remaining 10ml roller with a carrier oil

My heart's desire is that these oils will be helpful in your own life. As I continue to heal, I hope to share more about all the ways I have found essential oils to be a part of my day to day life and my own healing journey.

Amy<3

Thoughts As I Turn 38

Wed, 26 Feb 2020 17:16:29 GMT

When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.

Isaiah 60:22

The Lord spoke this word deep into my soul last year on my birthday. I was struggling and questioning so many different things about this valley. Having almost every aspect of your life slowly ripped away from you over three years can do that. Special days are especially hard when you are in a deep season of being refined by the fire. There is just so much loss that is hard to not acknowledge. Nothing looks the same anymore. His answer to me that day was simple and not expected, but exactly what I needed to hear to continue to fight. "When the time is right, I, the Lord will make it happen." Boom. When the time is right...

As I wake up this morning another year older and not much on the physical level has changed, I am still trusting this promise to be fully fulfilled. I believe with everything in me that goodness is coming. Healing is coming. Redemption is coming, Fulfillment of His promises to me is coming - When the time is right. Not in my time which would have been years ago, but in His.

It can be a hard pill to swallow some days, but I know He is making everything beautiful and one day the time will be right. So I'm embracing turning 38 with expectancy and doing all I can do to pursue healing while daily declaring the name of Jesus over my life, my body and my little family.

I trust you, Lord.

I trust your plan.

I trust your goodness.

I trust what You can see and I can't.

I trust you with it all.

God will carry the weight of making sure His promises are carried out. My job is to be obedient. God's got everything else. In the middle of the waiting, I am grateful to still find joy, grace and hope - especially today.

Amy<3

Trust

Mon, 24 Feb 2020 17:33:46 GMT

But my trust is in you, O Lord; you are my God

Psalm 31:14

Trusting, trusting, trusting. Even when nothing makes sense and we don't know what is next, I somehow have the most perfect peace from above. Only God. I'm grabbing hold of the promises written below today so I stay grounded as more of the things I love leave our home and my health takes a rapid decline again.

We have shed lots of tears and are grieving as best we can in the midst of everything. It is sad how we have almost gotten used to loss. The possessions I mourn the most are the things that hold treasured memories for our kids. You can't just replace some things. I am thankful they are just earthly things and hold no weight for our eternal glory. Life is hard friends, especially when you lose most of your physical possessions to mold toxicity and all of your savings has gone to repair what the enemy meant to take you out. There just seems to be no end in sight.

I often feel like my body is not meant to live in this world and I just long for a place I know is safe to heal and breathe. There are days when I wonder if my health and my life are completely slipping away.... I haven't been able to breathe freely in years and the cycle of healing with two steps forward and 10 steps backwards gets harder to handle. Healing definitely isn't linear. But God keeps breathing His hope and strength into my weary soul. He is good through it all and He continues to carry us each day.

When I say I feel His grace sustaining us, I mean it. Even in this utter mess His grace over us is absolutely beautiful. Without it, I don't know if I would be here. I'm speaking these truths over myself and my family today. Join me in declaring these over your own life and whatever situation you may be facing.

Trust in the LORD. Have faith, do not despair. Trust in the LORD.

Psalm 27:14

I wait eagerly for the LORD's help, and in His word I trust.

Psalm 130:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way

Proverbs 3:5-6

You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Heavenly Father, You have brought me safely this far. Help me continue to trust You with the story you are writing for my life. Help me have pure, uninterrupted peace, joy and hope. Let the miracle of your grace continue to surround me as I lean on you....

in the waiting,

in the struggling,

in the suffering,

in the wondering,

in the hoping,

in the living.

In the middle of it all, You are my faithful God.

Amy<3

Testing our Faith

Thu, 20 Feb 2020 17:04:24 GMT

Here We Go Again...

The last 24 hours have been testing our faith, strength and endurance as we wrap up another round of appointments with our Lyme Doctor in Wisconsin. Lots of emotions and tears. Healing from Lyme is so hard. Healing from neurological Lyme, severe mold illness, POTS and extreme Mast Cell Activation Syndrome is a whole different beast in a world where few understand or even recognize it This journey is not for the faint of heart and it is one that I would never wish on my worst enemy. Continuing to learn that fear is truly a liar and HOPE in the name of Jesus will always prevail. So...take that devil. We may be struck down but we are NOT destroyed.

Would be so grateful for your prayers as I am severely reacting to what we thought was a clean home. We also have confirmation that mold is still an issue with the "things" in our house. I had already figured this would be the next step of our journey after our last round of appointments, but there was still that small piece of hope in my heart that the mold part of our story would be wrapping up. Thankfully our SUV is currently safe for me to hide out in. Round two of this madness... Here we go. At least we know what to expect this time around.

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

On the positive side, my son is handling his Lyme treatments like a champ and he has had minimal herxing or harsh detox reactions so far! Hoping he keeps rocking this with his amazing attitude and faith. I am also showing progress with my Lyme and co-infections. My immune system seems to be finally starting to do what it was created to do. Praise the Lord. Slow and steady will win the race eventually! Always something to be grateful for!

When you have a chronic illness or multiple chronic illnesses caused by Lyme Disease or toxic mold, you often find that there is not much of a support system for you. When someone has cancer, entire communities will rally around that person. You have support for months and even sometimes years. Similarly, if your house burns down, entire communities would rally around you. There would be others helping you to rebuild all you lost. When you lose most everything you own to toxic mold, you get a lot of deer in the headlights looks from people. There is very limited support or understanding for those walking through these types of valleys. I can't tell you the number of times I've been messaged by women in tears because their family, friends and church community doesn't believe them or completely neglects their needs. It is heartbreaking.

Most people we know don't get it. Still we press forward as best we can with God's strength. We are so thankful for those who have supported us, prayed for us, encouraged us and met us in our deep valley. It means the world to our family. Our journey is truly a journey of faith. Some days the weight of this illness is too much. Regardless of what my symptoms may be, what earthy items we may have to toss or what a Doctor may say, my confidence is in Christ. He is my hope. The God who heals and is sovereign over this sickness. He will be faithful to the end.

Amy<3

My Word For 2020

Mon, 10 Feb 2020 16:29:03 GMT

Manifestation

Your name, Your name is Victory

all Praise, will rise to Christ, Our King

. . . . . . . .

By your Spirit I will rise

from the ashes of defeat

the resurrected King is resurrecting me.

-Elevation Worship

Amen! This song. This truth. My word for 2020 is manifestation. I had trouble landing on a word this year. While praying about it, I created a list of potentials that "I' wanted, but never had a peace that any were right. God in his perfect timing revealed it to me a couple weeks into this new year. He's an on time God, even if my timing would have been sooner.

I am declaring "manifestation" of what God has spoken over my life, my health and my family along with Psalm 20 from the Bible. In the name of Jesus I will fly my banner in victory! The Lord is strong. He is strong in battle. By Him we are able to have victory!

I am believing that God will show up in my life and our family in ways that we weren't expecting. That we will see His presence and guiding hand so tangibly through this next year. That He would invade this valley. I want to be so aware of His presence in my daily life. One of my prayers is that the Holy Spirit would help me become even more aware of His guidance in my daily life. I want to recognize God's voice the moment He speaks to my heart. I am excited to see how this word gets weaved into 2020.

The words we speak and declare are so very powerful! God "spoke" this world into existence. Imagine what you can speak into your own life. Grab hold of the promises God has for you today friend and declare victory over your life and whatever you may currently be facing. Declare the victory before you see it. Look higher to THE truth and speak it out from His word.

Remember God is your refuge. He brings you a promise to deliver it. Wage war on those prophetic words He has spoken to you. Sing it, say it, pray it and stand on them. If you don't know where to start, just speak Jesus over and over again. He will lead you from there.

I don't know how God will use my word over this next year, but I know I can trust him and His faithfulness over every area of my life. In the meantime, the song above by Elevation Worship is one of many on daily repeat at our house! Yes - by your Spirit, Lord, I will rise from the ashes of defeat, the resurrected King is resurrecting me. Amen and AMEN.

Psalm 20

"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Now this I know: The Lord gives victory to his anointed. He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall,, but we rise up and stand firm. Lord, give victory to the king! Answer us when we call!"

Amy<3

New Lyme Treatments

Sat, 21 Dec 2019 15:57:10 GMT

His Power Works Best In Weakness

2 Corinthians 12:9

I've been quiet on my social media accounts the last few weeks. Thank you for all of the sweet messages, prayers and checking in on me. The energy it takes to even get on my computer and cell phone can be too much at times. I started a new Lyme treatment protocol this last week and needed all of my limited energy for that. It was one of those nudges from God where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He opened doors and made a way for you.

The timing of this new therapy is confirmation even more as my body has started rejecting most of the foods and supplements I was previously fine with. We had hit another huge roadblock. Let's just say it has been a scary last month. Our family had to travel a few hours from home for three days of appointments and treatments in Wisconsin. This is the furthest I have ventured in over three years. My body handled the travel and treatments amazingly. Only God. His grace continues to sustain me.

We got confirmation during these appointments that my neurological Lyme is very severe, chronic and late stage along with the Bartonella in my brain. The Doctor also found so many other viruses and co-infections throughout my body. It was very overwhelming but also validating at the same time.

He found over twelve infections in my liver alone. No wonder things have been progressively getting worse despite all I do daily just to survive. Would love your prayers as the detoxification and herxing from these treatments can be really hard to walk through on top of already hard to manage symptoms.

We also found that my body was still full of mold. I knew it was even before this appointment, but it is just another punch in the gut to have it confirmed again and another layer that adds to the complexity of everything. I won't go into much detail about these new treatments until I see how it works in a few months, but this Doctor believes everything is fixable as long as I stay away from mold.

Oh mold. You are not my friend. We are retesting our house to make sure it is still safe for me and we will be purging another layer of things that were brought over from our last home. The layers of stripping continue.

My Doctor tested my kids and ended up diagnosing our son with Neurological Lyme. He said if we don't start treating Mason, the odds of him being in a wheelchair by his 20's is very very high. Another sucker punch in the gut. How many more will there be... These were not the words a Mama wants to hear.

Lyme is something we started suspecting when it came into my world, but nothing you want to hear about your own child. Mason already struggles with mold toxicity illness and has had to overcome so many mountains for someone his age. We will bring him back next year for more testing and to get his treatments started. Praising God my daughter is testing fine and has my husband's detox genes!

Some days this can all be too much - but it is on those days I find God pours out a fresh portion of His grace, faith and strength over our family. Every time my cup is depleted, He refills it. The only true freedom and peace I've found is in resting in God's sovereignty and knowing that He is in control over everything. Every illness... every loss... every storm I may face. There is nothing that happens without His authority.

While I would never choose this path our family is on of severe illness and loss, I know that God is using it for my good and His glory. He will make a way and I know the hope I have in the name of Jesus is all I need right now. I'm clinging to it daily. He is good and He is God. He's got this. His grace is sufficient.

Amy<3

Only Jesus

Fri, 08 Nov 2019 04:39:12 GMT

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:13

Laying it at the feet of Jesus again and again and again. I exchange my exhaustion for His endless grace. My self-sufficiency for His all-sufficiency. My weariness for His strength. My discouragement for His peace and my brokenness for His complete wholeness. Only Jesus.

Because so often I am not feeling well, my faith needs to be rooted way deeper than my feelings. These earthly feelings will always deceive, but the truth of God and His word will never waiver or fail. So on days like today when it all becomes too much, I flood my mind and body with the promises of my Lord and Savior.

Grab hold of these promises with me today and surround yourself with His truth. Turn the praise and worship music up in your house. Mine is already on shuffle right beside me with my favorite playlist.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

2 Corinthians 4:16-17

"What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we’re called children of God! That’s who we really are. But that’s also why the world doesn’t recognize us or take us seriously, because it has no idea who he is or what he’s up to."

1 John 3:1

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[ a ] have been called according to his purpose. "

Romans 8:28

" For nothing will be impossible with God."

Luke 1:37

"The Lord is good to all; has compassion on all he has made."

Psalm 145:9

"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. "

Psalm 18:2

When all that you are facing becomes too overwhelming, remember God is fighting for you. Stand on His word as a promise. Use His word as a weapon against the enemy. Don't forget that it's alive, active and sharper than any two-edged sword. Spend time in His presence. There you will find the promises He has made to you. There you will find the strength you need to keep going. Remember that "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still" Exodus 14:14.

Praying for so many of you precious ladies this afternoon who are walking through valleys and in the thick of it with me. I would love to lift anyone else up who is struggling, needs prayer or who just needs to know that they are not alone. You can always message me. Keep praying, keep believing, keep clinging to the hope that is in the name of Jesus. You ARE loved and you have not been forgotten.

Amy<3

Joy Will Come

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 14:25:24 GMT

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

Joy will come. That much is certain. Light will prevail over darkness. In the midst of such deep valleys and struggles, God's timeline can look so different from what we expected, hoped or prayed for. But I know that He is making all things beautiful - In His time. As painful as a season may be, it is only just a season. Seasons are ever changing and this one will pass. Trust that His promises are true and know that even on the hardest of days, joy is still there. Even if it is just a little glimmer.

to the girl who is hurting, wait.

so much goodness is to come. there may be suffering in the night

but joy comes in the morning.

hold on to hope.

know that He is good. His mercy and grace overflows.

it's okay to cry.

Jesus was known to cry with those who suffer.

He cares. He hears you.

He sees your tears and He comforts.

you are not alone.

there is goodness to come.

-Tay Ruth -

So very grateful that my God is right there with me regardless of what the day may bring. He is carrying me and I don't have to rely on my own strength. Sorrow may bend me, but I know it won't break me. Friend, if you are struggling, lean into His grace and His love for you today. Know that you are doing an amazing job handling some really hard stuff. Tomorrow is a new day with a fresh outpouring of all you may need to get through it.

God is already standing in every one of our tomorrows. We don't have to be fearful about what this next week or month may hold. God has already gone ahead of us with His provision and grace. He is standing there with His love and hope. He is waiting for us with His wisdom and strength. He will meet you there. Take a deep breath and rest on this promise.

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you"

1 Peter 5:10

The Lord can take all the broken pieces and suffering from this valley and turn them into a beautiful masterpiece. It is often our darkest pain that becomes our brightest light when we entrust it to Him. The season you are in has an expiration date. The bible promises us that no matter how dark our days may seem, they will come to an end and instead be replaced with gladness. Joy will come again sweet friend. Keep trusting the one who holds all of our tomorrows.

Amy <3

Down for the Count

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 03:35:59 GMT

But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me.

2 Timothy 4:17

Down for the count today. Well, being bed bound most days makes it seem like I am always down for the count, but today the suffering is extremely intense and would likely send most healthy individuals running to the ER. I need to get better about posting more of the good, the bad and the downright ugly of this valley. There is a lot of it. I try to actively focus on things that give me hope and renew my faith, so it's a balance I still need to figure out as I am healing. I have always just looked for the good in situations and that is no different in this valley. I have also never been one to actively seek attention - especially when it comes to the hard things in life. I am all introvert. Over three years of this valley and I am still getting used to being the one who needs ALL the help...

This past week, I actually caught my kids sore throats and colds. Oddly enough, I was very happy about it! Hoping this means my immune system is coming back online to help me fight whatever is trying to take me down. I also added in some new therapies this week before I realized I was sick and must have stirred up something. It is often so hard to know when my body is just herxing or if it needs more detox or support. I haven't had a normal person sickness in years so that never even crossed my mind. Most of my days feel like an endless horrible flu that just never goes away and so when it takes me down, it is hard to even describe how bad it can get. Lots and lots of praying and asking for wisdom goes into each day with this illness.

On the bright side of today, my nervous system has not freaked out and caused my spine to become completely unaligned! Praising God that I don't need an emergency chiropractic adjustment like I normally would. God has blessed me with such amazing Doctors who are grounded in Him and have a deep compassion for those of us in these deep unknown valleys. One of my Doctors will actually come in on weekends to adjust my crashing body because he knows it will help to reset my entire system and bring me some relief. Grateful doesn't even describe how I feel about these men God has placed in my life.

It still amazes me how each day of this journey can vary so drastically. You never know what the day might bring when you wake up in the morning. Constantly juggling if a supplement or therapy is going to ease your symptoms or cause you to feel worse because of all the die-off or mast cell reactions. It's like an endless cycle and one of the hardest parts for me. I'm a type A person who likes to have a plan. I've learned slow and steady works best for me and I just need to give each day over to God. Trusting has been a huge lesson over the last few years. God's promises hold true regardless of my symptoms and I know He is able to heal and restore this body. Here's to believing tomorrow is a better day filled with less magnesium baths, binders, infrared heat packs and symptoms!

Amy<3

The Place of Surrender

Fri, 06 Sep 2019 03:36:01 GMT

The more time you spend away from the noise, in a quiet place, breathing in, breathing out, letting His presence fill every corner of the room and every corner of your mind, the more you will begin to see your worries about the future take a back seat, as you let Him take the lead and bring you where you need to be.

- Morgan Harper Nichols -

Open hands to wherever God is leading me and whatever He wants to do. The place of surrender is where I want to stay. My heart's cry completely echoes this song... " So let all that I am, be consumed by who you are, oh the glory of Your presence. What more could I ask for ." Yes. Yes. YES! On repeat at my house lately. More of you Jesus and less of me as all the worries, frustrations, what if's and unknowns fade into the background. This is the place I long to stay.

Being in a season where your life is constantly being stripped and broken is hard. Being refined in such a hot fire that is so misunderstood for so long is even harder. I used to wonder somedays who this person standing in front of me is anymore because my body has failed me on so many levels and it can't even handle the basic functions of life most days. I have never experienced a more raw fear. To feel completely out of control of your body and to even lose trust in it can be such a scary place to be.

I remember during the first year of my illness where my body was "crashing" every few days if not every day at times. We were constantly in and out of the ER and urgent care with very little answers and absolutely no help. I would often leave those visits worse than when I came. I was battling fear at a level I had never felt and it was starting to consume me. I knew if this continued, the fear would kill me before whatever was attacking my body was able to.

I came to a place one night where I woke up gasping for air and of course fear was right there waiting for me. The tears just wouldn't stop. I was still mobile on my own, so I weakly shuffled out to our couch after eating my 12th meal of the day, just trying to get my body to somewhat stabilize itself. I sat down and in my head I drew a large circle around my entire body. I told God I was not going to move until He stepped in and took this horribly toxic fear out of my mind and my life. I couldn't handle it anymore. It never left. I could feel it just waiting to pounce every minute of the day. It was relentless.

I sat there on our couch the rest of the night speaking His promises over my body, surrendering the fear over to Him and praying life into my weary bones. At some point, the fear lifted. I can't even tell you the exact moment, but all of a sudden I knew it was gone and I knew that it wasn't going to come back. I had such peace that the Lord had stepped in and answered my prayers.

Yes- I still have moments of fearfulness in my life, but it is different. I wouldn't even call it fear - more like deep worry and a longing to have an end date to my suffering. Whatever it is, it never lasts long and it isn't all consuming. When those doubts and worries now creep into my life, I can feel the Holy Spirit come rushing in to battle them for me. And honestly, within minutes most times, the fear gets replaced with peace, with the promises God has given me and with His perfect love.

It has been several years since that night and I can still honestly say that our Heavenly Father has kept fear away from me. Yes, I still worry. I still have anxious thoughts, but I do not fear the future. I do not fear anything the enemy tries to throw at me. They are not consuming my life or my body any longer. And trust me, my sickness and the things I could fear have only gotten worse since that night, but the life sucking fear has left. All glory to God!

Wherever you are tonight my friend, please know that the Father is there with you and He wants to take whatever worry or fear you may be carrying. Let Him carry it for you. I would encourage you to find this song and let it wash over your life today as His presence brings comfort and peace to whatever you may be facing. You are loved and I am always here if you need someone.

Amy<3

With You

by: Elevation Worship

Beneath the surface
Of my anxious imagination
Beckons a calmness
That is found in you alone
It washes over every doubt, every imperfection
Jesus your presence is the comfort of my soul

There's nowhere I'd rather be
When you're singing over me
I just wanna be here with you
I'm lost in your mystery
I'm found in your love for me
I just wanna be here with you

Here in the waiting
I won't worry about tomorrow
No need to focus
On the things I can't control
All my attention
On the wonder of this moment
Jesus your presence is the comfort of my soul

There's nowhere I'd rather be
When you're singing over me
I just wanna be here with you
I'm lost in your mystery
I'm found in your love for me
I just wanna be here with you

So let all that I am
Be consumed with who you are
Oh the glory of your presence
What more could I ask for?

You're all I've ever needed
You're everything to me

There's nowhere I'd rather be
When you're singing over me
I just wanna be here with you
I'm lost in your mystery
I'm found in your love for me
I just wanna be here with you

And I just love your presence
I just really love your presence
What could be better than this moment with you, God?

I've never known a love like you
I've never known a peace so real
There's nothing, there's nothing I want more than you, Jesus
We're here to meet with you Father
We're here to give you every part, every part
You deserve it
You deserve it

So let all that I am
Be consumed with who you are
Oh the glory of your presence
What more could I ask for?

There's no one else for me, Lord

Lay Hold of a Promise

Tue, 03 Sep 2019 01:33:42 GMT

Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Ephesians 3:20

"Get your feet on a promise; it will give you purchase enough to force open the gates of heaven and to take it. When you can lay hold of a promise, you have a leverage with God which enables you to count upon the fulfillment of your petition. God cannot go back from His word. He could no more disappoint faith than He could deny Himself." F. B. Meyer from Streams in the Dessert

To lay hold of a promise means to get possession of, to seize, to take hold of, to hold fast to and to continue to hold onto. Hebrews 11:1 says, " now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen". This verse shows us that it is through faith that we can take hold of the things we are hoping and praying for. It is faith that will enable you to take hold and it is faith that will strengthen you to continue to hold on when you feel like you just can't do it any longer.

God is always greater than His promises; He does not only fulfill His promises, He over-fulfills them.

Ephesians 3:20

So by faith, begin to lay hold of your healing and refuse to let go. Press forward and take hold of breakthroughs for whatever you may be facing. Refuse to back down or stop there, grab onto that next promise from God and hold tight. Keep pressing into all that God has promised you and don't settle for anything less. Continue with steadfast faith until you see your promise come to pass.

All the promises of God in Christ are yes and amen. It was bought and paid for by Jesus Christ. You have everything you need to stand in faith. Tell your soul that the devil will not stand in the way of God's promises for you. The Lord himself will fight for you. The blood of JESUS speaks a better word. So hold your ground and refuse to let fear have the final say.

So be made strong even in your weakness by lifting up your tired hands in prayer and worship. And strengthen your weak knees, for as you keep walking forward on God’s paths all your stumbling ways will be divinely healed!

Hebrews 10:12-13

Standing on His promises with you.

Amy<3

Switching Your Mindset

Sun, 01 Sep 2019 02:36:02 GMT

Your body will believe everything your mind tells it. Feed it faith. Feed it truth. Feed it love.

It is a daily, hourly and on some days a struggling by the minute effort - but it is so worth it! Dr. Caroline Leaf says it best: " As we think, we change the physical nature of our brain. As we consciously direct our thinking, we can wire out toxic patterns of thinking and replace them with healthy thoughts. " Research has shown that our physical, emotional and spiritual health are tightly intertwined. Physical illness can actually have emotional and even spiritual ramifications just as spiritual difficulties can impact your physical body along with your emotional health. God created us in a way that all three are tightly connected. In order for true healing in life to occur, it must happen both in body, mind and spirit. I realized early on that to come out of the darkness of this valley as the most complete version of myself, I would have to face all three.

You can't expect to heal the whole, if you only treat in part. Every part of you deserves healing and God is in it all. To those who know it takes more than one thing to heal and to those who run straight to Jesus... your faith is never the question. <3 Oh to redeem the narrative that so many of us have experienced in these valleys. I believe that we can only see the most clear picture of our Healer when we realize that He is in every element of this journey. But that is a post for another time.

In my own life, I have been so blessed to be working with Doctors who view healing through this lens of faith where the body, mind and spirit all need to be worked on. It resonates strongly with things I was already taught through my counseling and psychology classes in college. In my own life, I have been working through a few different books that dive deeper into these topics. Daily I have been working to replace unhealthy thought patterns and habits for new life-giving practices. Trying to overcome the stress this valley can bring by instead embracing God's perfect peace and His promises for me. Replacing defeating thoughts with God's redemptive story for my life. Breaking generational curses, strongholds and soul wounds that could be hindering our family. Dealing with all those pesky "I cant's" my brain tries to tell me and instead believing that with God all things are possible - even full healing!

I believe what the Bible says - the power of life and death is in our mouth. We each have the power of what we choose to speak and believe in our lives and situations. You may not be able to change what happens in life - but you can control your response to it. That response is so important. I want to choose to have a positive outlook and fight for the good that is in my life and situation. It is so easy to be focused on what I can't control and all of the unknowns that may be ahead. I have to make it a daily effort to choose to control what I can and praise God for all that I do have while letting Him do what only He can do in my life. I can control my thoughts, my words, and my actions. Each one of these things has the power to help set me up for success.

The verses below are some that I choose to continually flood my mind with. Renewing your mind is a powerful practice that I know the Lord will bless. Join me as we take our thoughts captive and let Jesus help us to find true health, freedom and wholeness. Feel free to message me if you want some good book recommendations on where to start. You will be amazed at how it can change your mindset, your day and your life.

"Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Philippians 4:8

"Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

Romans 12:2

"God has not given us a spirit of fear an timidity, but of power, love, and self discipline."

2 Timothy 1:7

"As someone thinks within himself, so he is."

Proverbs 23:7

Amy<3

Perspective

Tue, 06 Aug 2019 22:26:05 GMT

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18

Tonight my family is at our neighborhood National Night Out event without me again for the third year in a row and here I lay. It's just a casual little social event, but I would still give everything to be with them. Missing out on things is always a hard reminder of where my life is currently at. I could feel all the "feels" that come along with this, but instead tonight I choose to smile, acknowledge my disappointment and then turn my focus to what I did get to do. Choosing to be grateful doesn't mean to fake being "happy" or "positive". I feel sadness and grief very deeply. I feel so I can heal and then I choose to turn my focus on what I'm grateful for in this moment.

I have found it is good to recognize the disappointments and sadness that comes in this valley. I need to so they don't keep building up as they can often be a daily occurrence. I acknowledge, recognize my feelings and tell Jesus all about them. BUT, I don't dwell or stay in that place. I lay them at the foot of the cross, letting our Heavenly Father walk through every disappointment with me and knowing that He cares deeply about what affects me. I can trust him with it all. One day I am sure I will sit and grieve everything more fully and deeply. When that time comes, I know God will be grieving right along with me.

Today I choose to focus on the good of this life that I have been given, all the fun that my kiddos are having tonight and I embrace what I did get to do! Simple things like getting dressed out of my pj's, wearing a tight messy bun that didn't trigger any neurological symptoms (excuse the day six hair), making it downstairs to our living room couch with a good book along with my bible and being able to actually tolerate reading. The fact that I tried a new supplement and reintroduced a new food successfully without a mast cell reaction is a huge win. Having enough energy to walk back up the stairs and take a long bath to wash that day six hair - finally!!! All small things, but things that I never take for granted anymore. Changing our perspective really can be life changing.

"Joy is a function of gratitude, and gratitude is a function of perspective. You only begin to change your life when you begin to change the way you see."

Ann Voskamp

I love this quote from Ann Voskamp. When I look around at my life, instead of seeing all the trials, daily struggles and things I am missing out on, I instead try to find things I can be grateful for. I start thanking God for all the blessings He has poured out into my life and all the things I still am able to do. Instead of focusing on how poorly I've been feeling and all that my body has prevented me from doing, I can instead choose to focus on all the things my body can still do and all the ways it is daily fighting for me to get better.

When you change your perspective and start to choose gratitude, that's when you can start to find joy in the small, everyday moments - and that's when you can begin to change your life. One gratitude at a time. So, tonight I rest with a heart full of gratitude and a peace that one year, I will be able to join my family at our neighborhood party. Perspective is everything!

Amy<3

Fun Facts About Me

Wed, 24 Jul 2019 11:38:31 GMT

Hello

Jumping on to tell you a little more about myself. One of these days I will write more about my journey these last few years, but right now those memories are a bit too fresh, so instead here are some random fun facts!

I LOVE all things crunchy. This started years before I was sick when my son was born, but now it is the only way I can live and heal. I am passionate about health, natural living and all things oily.

I live for the weekend! My goal is to get to Friday each week with as few doctor appointments as possible. I try to be outside as long as I can... until it gets too hot for my nervous system or a neighbor has a bonfire that sends me "running" in to avoid a huge mast cell reaction. And I say "running" but most days I barely know how to walk anymore. I am already dreading the frozen tundra season that is approaching way too fast!

I am Mom to two precious kiddo's - Mason (11 years old) and Ella (8 years old). Married 14 years to Randy, my soul mate. We have a two year old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Cooper, who thinks he is one of us. My little family is my world.

Music is everything! It is hard-wired into my soul. All the time - especially worship music.

I have a background in Psychology which along with my faith has helped to keep my head above water these past three years. Being housebound besides doctor visits is not easy!

I love, love, LOVE coffee!!! Currently cannot drink it... but just the thought of it gets all those happy endorphins pumping!

Jesus is everything to me. I honestly don't know if I would be here if it wasn't for the daily grace He continues to pour out over my life and my family. Trusting that He is working all things together for my good!

Give me all the books - I could hardly read the first couple years of being sick, so now I am making up for lost time. I love to research health and learn all the things about healing. God must have turned something on in my brain and I am loving it!

We have two raised garden beds in our backyard for veggies. Each year I keep trying to find places in our landscape to add more herbs! Even after four years we aren't entirely sure what we are doing, but the harvest is sure yummy!

We found out this week that my right leg is shorter than my left leg and causing issues in my pelvis and spine. Here's to hoping a heal insert helps until my body decides to balance itself better!

Your turn! I'd love to know you better! Introduce yourself and tell me something about YOU in the comments. Prayer requests are always welcome. I feel honored anytime someone trusts me to pray for them! Thanks for following along! Grateful you are here!

Amy<3

In the Waiting

Tue, 23 Jul 2019 11:37:25 GMT

Even in the waiting, she has this deeply rooted faith that when things do not make sense, God still makes a way.

Morgan Harper Nichols

Waiting - a season that just seems to never end for our family. Long seasons of waiting are never easy, especially in a world where we want instant answers, gratification, or a quick fix "pill". Being in a season of waiting is a reminder of who is in control and that God's timing is truly not our own. These last few years of my life have been dark and difficult, but yet this place of waiting in weakness has drawn our entire family closer to Jesus.

The desperation I have felt so many days during this season completely changed my relationship with my Heavenly Father. It was when it seemed like I had nothing that He truly became my everything. I have learned what it means to throw yourself at the feet and mercy of our LORD literally on a daily basis because it was the only way to survive another day. There is beauty in a life totally dependent upon His strength, joy and peace. A life that is surrendered to His timeline.

"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

Psalm 27:14

A season of waiting - the middle of our stories. It can be the hardest thing we will ever walk through, but it can also be one of the greatest blessings. Waiting allows us to let go and to trust our Savior like never before. It allows us to realize that His ways are not our ways, but that we can find joy even in the midst of deep suffering.

There is purpose in the waiting. There is always a purpose. Ask Him to reveal it to you. He may not right away, but in time parts will be revealed to you and you will one day see the end from the beginning when we cross Heaven's gates.

Press into the waiting friend and let God use it for His glory. Take joy in submitting your deepest desires and dreams to Him. Never stop dreaming - no matter how dark the day may be. Dreams help to give you hope and a future.

If it is something God does not intend for you, you will one day see what a blessing it was to lay it down at His feet and release it. If it is something God intends to fulfill, be all the more grateful. He is more than trustworthy to bring the details to life. Trust and take heart in the beautiful surrender of waiting on the Lord.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on our own understanding, in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

Praying for those of you today who are in your own extended season of waiting. May God draw you close and continue to cover you with His grace as you trust Him. Believing you will see His goodness being poured out in this season as you walk towards victory.

Amy <3

Looking to 2019

Mon, 31 Dec 2018 21:11:01 GMT

On Christ The Solid Rock I Stand

2018 was the hardest and scariest year of our lives. Some days I have no idea how to continue living with the magnitude of suffering that is daily heaped on my life. The hardest thing about enduring all of the daily symptoms and struggles has been its ability to take away my identity. Most of my life has been stripped and broken right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it.

Oftentimes God's path to deliverance looks very different from the path we would have chosen. I'm finding this more and more in my own life. We want our struggles to be dealt with in the most convenient and quickest way possible. I have found the path to true healing is nothing like that.

Even still, I know that God is making a way. I believe He is in the process of restoring me back to health - even better than I was before sickness became a part of my story. Nothing slips through His hands. I can trust that He has already gone before me into next year and all that it may hold. He is working while we wait. Grateful that the one who holds the universe is carrying us into 2019 and our FATIH is greater than our fears! Come Lord and do what only you can do!

This song has been on repeat lately and echoes my heart and always brings with it a puddle of tears.

Seasons

by Hillsong Worship

Though the winter is long even richer
The harvest it brings
Though my waiting prolongs even greater
Your promise for me like a seed
I believe that my season will come

I can see the promise
I can see the future
You’re the God of seasons
I’m just in the winter
If all I know of harvest
Is that it’s worth my patience
Then if You’re not done working
God I’m not done waiting
You can see my promise
Even in the winter
Cause You’re the God of greatness
Even in a manger

For all I know of seasons
Is that You take Your time
You could have saved us in a second
Instead You sent a child

Placing next year in my Heavenly Father's hands. I can see the promise and my future. Trusting that this winter season will have an end date. Trust with my friend.

Amy<3

Grace Upon Grace

Wed, 13 Jun 2018 12:41:17 GMT

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Psalm 27:13

This is not where I would have expected to be after almost three years in such a deep valley. Chronic illness is no joke. I never imagined that I would still be fighting with everything in me to get my life back. To even just feel a glimpse of normalcy again would be such a blessing. I have lost so much, but God has been faithful through it all. I know that He is working and His timing is perfect. I am still believing that I will see the goodness of my Lord in the land of the living!

I started these pages and my Grace In This Valley instagram account because I have a heart to show others the grace that God wants to pour out over whatever situation they may be facing. I am just a housebound warrior praising her way to a breakthrough as God continues to flood her with grace upon grace.

My prayer is that God would get the glory in this space and you would see His heart for you and that He wants to give you a hope and a future. I don't know how often I will be able to post or what will fill these pages, but you can always find me sharing encouragement on my Instagram stories.

This is my prayer for my own life today and anyone reading this as I open the pages of this site and place them in my Heavenly Father's faithful hands.

Father, we thank You for all that You are doing in our lives. We thank you that You are a God of restoration. Lord You are a faithful redeemer and we can trust You. Thank you for being a promise keeper. Lord, I pray that everything we have walked through - every loss, every hurt, every painful part of our stories, that You will use what the enemy meant for evil and You will turn it around for our good and Your glory. We trust You with this season. You are working even when we can't see it or feel it. Give us strength today. The joy of You Lord will be our strength. Though weeping endures for a night, we know that joy - Your joy Father, comes in the morning. I pray you would bless anyone reading this today and that they would see Your hand so clearly working in their life. We thank you Lord that those who sow in tears will reap with harvests of joy. We thank you for the harvest of JOY season that is coming. We love you. Amen and AMEN.

"Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now - life for many people."

Genesis 50:20

Thanks for joining me! I'm so glad you are here.

Amy<3